Mario and Luigi: Partners in Paradoxes
by Lord Drash
Summary: A parody of Partners in Time, it features aliens, self destructing suitcases and enemies that beat themselves! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter One: Time Travel? Bah! That's Impossible!

_**(Disclaimer: Just in case you were wondering…I do not own Mario or anything else in this story…except for the ideas…those are mine. Mostly)**_

Many years ago in a place, something happened…although it's not sure HOW many years. It could be twenty…or forty…it all depends on how old Mario is! He's been an adult for twenty years…so he's either forty or hasn't aged beyond whatever age he is…or something. Anyways this place was the eerie home of an eerie species. They were creepy to! They did not like their home though, as it was purple and they did not like the color purple. So using some bizarre telescope that they recently invented they spied the Mushroom Kingdom. They decided to conquer it because it looked shiny! In the Mushroom Kingdom at the same time Baby Mario and Baby Luigi were heading up to the castle when a random Toad came up to them.

Toad: Oh THANK YOU! The Princess is in the far end of the castle and SHE WON'T STOP CRYING! Please…play with her before we all go crazy!

Baby Luigi: Goo!  
Baby Mario: Alrighty!

They go into the castle where they see that all the Toads are unconscious. When they get to the room where the Princess is they see Baby Bowser light Toadsworth on fire. As mushrooms burn rather fast it didn't take long for his entire mushroom head thing to be consumed by flames.  
Baby Bowser: Ha ha ha! Now I shall kidnap the Princess!  
Baby Mario: Goo?  
Baby Bowser: ACK! The Mario Brothers!  
Baby Luigi jumps up and jumps on Baby Bowser.  
Baby Bowser: I have been defeated!

He grabs the Princess and tries to run away.

Baby Mario: Eh.

Baby Mario watches him run past him.

Baby Luigi: NO!  
Baby Luigi jumps on Baby Bowser again causing him to drop the Princess.

Baby Bowser: Shoot!

Baby Luigi: Bad!  
He smacks Baby Mario.

Baby Mario: Ouch!

While all this pointless fighting was going on several strange white saucers with what appeared to be purple mushrooms on top flew over the castle. Things that looked almost like arms holding guns shot out from the bottom of the UFO's. (Can they really be called UNidentified Flying Objects considering that everyone KNOWS they're Shroob saucers? I mean…they're kind of…identified.) The guns started firing laser blasts at the castle. Everyone inside the castle starts to freak out.

Meanwhile in the present…

Professor E. Gadd has invented a time machine. He admits he has no clue what he was doing and merely stapled bits of metal together and glued a Shiny Star he found. He called it the Cobalt Star. Considering that no one had any idea if this machine would work they decided that the logical conclusion would be take their most important dignitary (Peach) and two Toads they don't even know and shove them in it and turn the thing on. So they did. Toadsworth of course foolishly thought that the untested and shoddily made construct would like…explode or something crazy like that. The Mario Bros. came by as they had nothing better to do and as soon as they arrived to the castle the Time Machine came back, although it appeared practically destroyed. The door of the machine opened. Toadsworth ran up to it babbling with joy, when a clawed green hand shot up from the dark entryway and grabbed the side of the machine. Startled he jumped back.

Mario: Mamamia!  
Luigi: Great. Some weird monster thing…just what we needed.

Mario jumped up to it when a second hand shot out. It pulled out a rounded triangular creature with squat legs, stubby arms and a large mouth. It squealed and then charged at Mario…who sidestepped causing it to crash into a wall. It fell to the floor face-down.

E. Gadd: A Junior Shrooboid!

Luigi: You know what this is?

E. Gadd: No…it's wearing a nametag on its back!  
Luigi looked at the things' back and saw that there was a yellow stick note on the back that said "This is a Junior Shrooboid!"

Luigi: Weird.

Toadsworth: Ack! The princess is in peril!  
Luigi: And you know this how?  
Toadsworth: I don't! Quick! In the Time Machine!  
He tries to push Mario and Luigi towards the Time Machine but it crumbles before they get there.

E. Gadd: Strange…I thought I made it sturdier than that.

Luigi: You don't even know what you made! It was a pile of junk!  
E. Gadd: Wait! Where's the Cobalt Star!  
Luigi: How would I know?

E. Gadd: Thief! You stole it!  
He shakes his tiny fist at Luigi.

Luigi: I've been here the whole time! When could I have stolen it!  
Before E. Gadd could answer a Toad ran up to them.

Toad: There's a strange shifty…yellow and orange hole outside!

E. Gadd: I must be a Time Hole!

Luigi: How would you know!  
E. Gadd: I don't! I'm just making everything up as I go along!

They run to the hole in the castle courtyard. Luigi and Mario look at it when Toadsworth comes up and pushes both of them in.

Toadsworth: Rescue the Princess!

Luigi: Ack!  
Mario: Woohoo!

To the Past…

Mario and Luigi pop out of the Hole in the vicinity of a small town named Hollijolli Village, in the past.

Luigi: Well…I guess that was a Time Hole…or maybe a Teleporter…

A small plane flies overhead with a streamer saying "Vote Peach! She may be a baby, but she's the best Princess ever!"

Luigi: Well…that's true of now…she IS a big baby-

Mario hits him.

Luigi: OW! Fine. We're in the past.

A suitcase shoots up and out of the Time Hole. It has a face and tiny feet. It walks over to Mario and Luigi.

Stuffwell: Hello!  
Luigi: Uh…you're a talking suitcase.

Stuffwell: Yes! I am Stuffwell and I was invented by E. Gadd in order to aid you on your quest!  
Luigi: You mean he invented you in all of the five seconds we were gone?  
Stuffwell: Well…not really it took at least seven seconds but because of time discrepancies it SEEMED like five.

Luigi: Or whatever you use for a clock is wrong by like two seconds.

Stuffwell: It's not!

Luigi: Right…why does E. Gadd think a living suitcase will be able to help us?

Stuffwell: Because I can carry useful items!  
Luigi: Like…a suitcase?  
Stuffwell: Exactly!  
Luigi: Okay…let's just go back to the present and figure out what's going on-

The Time Hole fades into nothing.

Luigi: (Twitch, twitch) Well… that…is not good…

Mario: Woohoo!

Stuffwell: Mario's right! Back to Adventure!

Stuffwell shrinks and goes inside Luigi's pocket.

Luigi: Wha! Great. I have freaky talking suitcase in my pocket!

Mario and Luigi go to the right, until they reach a series of platforms. Stuffwell pops out.

Stuffwell: Let me teach you how to jump!  
Luigi: We know how to jump.

Stuffwell: No, you don't! I shall teach you!  
Mario: OH NOOOO!  
Luigi: Even Mario agrees. We don't need to learn how to jump.

Stuffwell: Fine! But when you trip over yourselves, don't come crying to me!  
He disappears again.

Luigi: Lunatic.

Mario and Luigi skillfully jump up several platforms. Soon they come to a few small gaps that, with the aid of either a short hop or a long step could be crossed over. They're preparing to do so when Stuffwell comes back out.

Stuffwell: Let me teach you how to jump over gaps!  
Luigi: Isn't this like exactly the same as regular jumping?  
Stuffwell: NO! Let me teach you.

Luigi: Look you idiot, we know how to jump.

Stuffwell: Yes? Well…then prove it!  
Luigi: Fine.

He walks towards the edge and prepares to jump. Just before he does Stuffwell comes from behind and shoves him, causing him to fall into the five foot trench…thing.

Luigi: Ugh!  
Stuffwell: Told you!  
Luigi ran back up and stood over the suitcase.

Luigi: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!  
Stuffwell: I don't know what you're talking about.

Luigi: Either cut it out or I will STUFF you WELL!

Stuffwell: What?  
Luigi: I will cause you serious discomfort!  
Stuffwell: I don't understand.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Stuffwell: AAAAHHHH!  
He disappears again.

Luigi: I don't know why that works.

Mario: YAY!  
Luigi: Right…let's just keep going…

Mario and Luigi quickly jump through everything until they reach a large section of flat ground. They step onto it when a Toad falls from the sky. Mario and Luigi jump out of the way before he hits the ground.

Toad: OW! You jerks!  
Luigi: What?  
Toad: You could have at least let me land on your head!  
Luigi: Right…

Toad: Well come on! Help!  
Luigi: Help what?  
Toad: Hollijolli Village is being attacked by evil alien people!

Luigi: Yes…I guess that would be bad…

Suddenly a bright light envelops the Toad and he is dragged up into one of the Shroob saucers, which is far too small to hold him. The Shroob cackles and then flies off completely ignoring Mario and Luigi.

Luigi: Right…that was abnormal.

Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: Quickly! We must save Hollijolli Village!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: How exactly are we going to save a village from aliens in FLYING saucers with HI-TECH weaponry!

Stuffwell: Uh…excellent jumping?  
He quickly disappears again.

Luigi: Stupid suitcase.

The Bros. continue to their right until they get to a large group of giant mushrooms attached by…stairs. That's just WEIRD! They head up the mushrooms, until they are confronted by small, purple, goomba shaped creatures. Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: These are the dangerous Shrooblets!

One waddles over and trips over Luigi's foot. It immediately dies.

Luigi: They look like really weak goombas.

At the sound of his intimidating voice all the Shrooblets jump off the edge of the mushrooms and die.

Stuffwell: Uh…do you want to learn how to fight?  
Luigi: Fight what! They're all dead!

Stuffwell: Ah! Then my lessons HAVE helped you! HA!  
He disappears.

Luigi: Idiot.

Mario and Luigi run up the stairs until they reach the badly battered Hollijolli Village. It was a Christmasy place with snow and green and red lights. The various houses were in ruins and the few Toads were scooped up by Shroobs. After gathering all the Toads (which wasn't hard as they stayed bunched up in a small group) the Shroobs cackled and flew away.

Luigi: Wow…this place is pretty beaten up. If we're in the past, and the Shroobs are this dangerous, how come we never heard about them before? Plus why have I never heard of this village?

Mario: Whee!  
Luigi: Right…

They walk around the town a bit checking for survivors when they come across a large house that's not as destroyed as the others. They enter it. At the far end is a large chimney, and visible near the top is the bottom end of a fat Toad. Luigi runs over to him.

Luigi: What exactly are you doing in there?

Mayor: Uh…I'm hiding…

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario runs over and jumps into the Mayor from underneath. The Santa-like Toad flies out of the chimney and lands in front of his house…right into the waiting arms of some Shroobs!  
Mayor: AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!  
Luigi: Great. Why'd you do that Mario!  
Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Whatever.

They run out of the house just in time to see a Shroob Saucer scoop up the Mayor and fly away.

Luigi: Crud! Now what do we do!

As he's pondering his situation three Shroobs walk over.

Shroob 1: &#(&$(!#!

Luigi: What!  
Shroob 2: (&$&!

Shroob 2 pulls out a remote and spouts unintelligible gibberish into it. A Shroob Saucer floats down with a counter on it. It begins counting down.

Luigi: I don't like the look of that…

Mario and Luigi run over to the Shroobs. The Saucer flies over them.

Shroob 3: #T&$T$729!

The Shroobs tries to push the Bros. away. The Bros. push back. The counter counts down to zero…and the Saucer shoots down a humongous purple blast. It hits all five fighters and completely smacks them all down. The Shroob in the saucer looks down and sees he's creamed his buddies' yelps and hurriedly flies away.

Meanwhile on Baby Bowser's ship…

After the castle was attacked by the Shroobs Baby Bowser called down his Koopa Kruiser. Toadsworth, somehow completely healed, Baby Peach, Baby Mario, Baby Luigi and of course Baby Bowser all boarded it and took off. They were conveniently flying over Hollijolli Village, when one of Baby Bowser's Koopa's conveniently noticed unconscious Mario and Luigi.

Koopa: Uh…Mr. Baby Boss…there's some weird guys down there…

Baby Bowser: Wha! Let me see!  
He jumps over and looks in the viewing screen. He sees an unconscious Mario and Luigi and some practically dust Shroobs.

Baby Bowser: Uh…well…maybe we should pick them up or something…

However his response does not sit well with Peach.  
Baby Peach: Wa…WA…WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
Toadsworth: Ah! The Princess doesn't like that! She wants you to go and rescue those poor fellows!  
Baby Mario: Eh?  
Baby Bowser: But…uh…that's what I said…

Baby Peach: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
Baby Bowser: ACK! Set down! Set down!  
Koopa 2: Yes Master!

The Kruiser sets down in a convenient open meadow just outside the ruined town.

Baby Bowser: Alright…I'm feeling lazy so Mario and Luigi head out there!

Baby Mario: No!  
Baby Luigi: Okeydokey!

Baby Luigi grabs Baby Mario and drags him out of the Kruiser. They head for the unconscious older Mario Bros. Upon reaching them Baby Luigi decides to jump on their heads a few times, but they don't react. Suddenly two of the Shroobs stand up and shake their heads. The Babies jump back as the Shroobs see them. Suddenly Toadsworth runs up.

Toadsworth: Here have a Koopa Shell!

He throws Green Koopa Shell at Baby Mario.

Baby Mario: Wha?  
Toadsworth: It will help you defeat them!  
A Shelless Koopa runs up, screaming about his stolen shell.

Baby Mario: Eek!  
He throws the shell at the Shroobs. They catch it, and then look at the Koopa.

Shroob: Y#&$$$&&&#(86966(#&?

Shelless Koopa: DIE!  
He chases them away.

Toadsworth: Yes! I'm so helpful!

Baby Mario: No!

Toadsworth: I didn't ask you!

The slightly more aged Mario and Luigi begin to stir.

Toadsworth: Well let's take these guys back to the ship! Strange though…they look kind of familiar…

Back at the Kruiser (Which has taken off and is headed for Baby Bowser's Castle)…

The Mario Bros. have awakened and are quite surprised to see their younger counterparts.

Luigi: Ack! It's a mini-me!

Baby Luigi: Whee!  
Baby Luigi excitedly jumps up and down.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Baby Mario: No!  
Baby Mario turns away.

Baby Bowser: Uh…who are you guys?  
Luigi: Well…we're Mario and Luigi…from the future!  
Toadsworth: Oh. Okay.

Luigi: Don't you find that…strange?  
Baby Bowser: Not really. Well…let's head for my castle and we can figure out what to do.

Luigi: Well…what exactly is going on here?  
Toadsworth: I think the mysterious race of Shroobs, that I've never seen before and I have no logical reason for why I know their name, has come to conquer the Kingdom. Because they feel like it.

Luigi: Wow…that was a whole bunch of nonsense…

A Koopa looks up, startled.

Koopa: Master Bowser!  
Baby Bowser: What is it?  
Koopa: We're receiving a transmission!  
Baby Bowser: What's that?  
Everyone else: …..

Koopa: Uh…it's a message…it's from the Shroobs…

Baby Bowser: Oh! I uh…knew that…

Koopa: Do you want me to put it on?

Baby Bowser: Of course!

Koopa: All right.

He hits a button. Everyone stares at the screen in front of the Koopa. One of the walls lights up with the image of a tall purple Shroob with a crown in a royal robe. Everyone continues to stare at the Koopa's screen.

Koopa: Uh…the message is on the wall…

They all whirl around to see an impatient Princess Shroob.

Baby Bowser: Of course it is! I was just testing you…and you passed!  
Koopa: You have no clue how this Kruiser works do you?  
Baby Bowser: Shut up. You're fired.

Koopa: Fine!  
The Koopa hits a switch, and falls through a hole in the floor that appears.

Koopa: I hated you anyways!

Princess Shroob suddenly begins talking and gesticulating wildly.

Princess Shroob: &T#5A(((((!  
Toadsworth: What?  
Princess Shroob: &$#$&$&$!)!($!

Baby Bowser: What is she saying?  
Princess Shroobs seems to be becoming very upset and starts screaming.

Princess Shroob: &$$$$($($($($!  
Luigi: We can't understand you, as you speak a DIFFERENT language. Duh.

Princess Shroob suddenly cuts off the transmission.

Luigi: Do you think she's mad?  
Koopa 2: Bowser! There are two missiles heading right for us!  
Luigi: I'll take that as a yes.

Baby Bowser: Well…uh…activate the Missile…thingy.

Koopa 2: We're all out of ammunition!  
Baby Bowser: Is that bad?

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
The Missiles connect and send the Kruiser spiraling down. Fortunately it was by Baby Bowser's Castle, so it lands there. Mario and Luigi manage to crawl out of the wreckage, but somehow during the fall they got separated from the others. Stuffwell jumps out.

Stuffwell: You must find the others!  
Luigi: Why?  
Stuffwell: Uh…because…uh…It's a good idea?

Luigi: Fine. But your reasons stink.

Stuffwell: Shut up.

Stuffwell disappears. Mario and Luigi begin wandering around the castle. They encounter Goombas, Boos and a strange new Shy Guy with a cannon strapped to its head called a Boom Guy. Why they have never been seen before…well this IS the past and probably having a cannon strapped to your head isn't good for your health. So…they most likely have suffered from serious neck problems. After continuing through the castle Luigi suffered from the strange ailment of a small baby falling on his head.  
Baby Luigi: YAY!

Luigi: Ow! Stupid baby me!

Mario: Whee!  
After rubbing his head, Luigi looked up to see Baby Mario being slightly hesitant about falling twenty feet from the ceiling for some reason. He was holding on to some chains. How he got there…we may never know. Mario held his arms out and shouted "BABIES" a few times. Eventually Baby Mario used his hands to cover his ears, which caused him to fall into Mario's arms.

Baby Mario: Whee?  
Mario: YAY!

Stuffwell pops up.  
Stuffwell: Now, even though these babies are perfectly capable to walk on their own…why do we call them babies? Doesn't the ability to walk make them toddlers? I mean really-

Luigi: Just get on to what you were saying.

Stuffwell: Oh right! You must carry them piggy back!  
Luigi: Doesn't sound so bad.

Stuffwell: Great! Now Baby Mario gets on Mario and Baby Luigi on Luigi!

Luigi: Alright.

The babies climb on their respective elder counterparts and sit on their shoulders. Baby Luigi immediately starts trying to eat Luigi's hair, while Baby Mario falls asleep.

Luigi: HEY! Ow!  
Stuffwell: Now continue!

Luigi: Can't we switch?  
Stuffwell: NO!  
He disappears. After grumbling a bit Luigi starts walking with Mario. He has to continually bat away Baby Luigi's mouth though. After a bit of traveling they reach a large pool of lava. Floating on his broom over it is Kamek!

Kamek: You can not continue! Master Bowser is recovering from the wounds he suffered from poor piloting!

Luigi: We just want to leave.

Kamek: Oh. Okay.

Baby Luigi: PEACH!  
Luigi: AAAAAHHHH! My ear!  
Kamek: WHAT! You want Peach! NEVER! ATTACK!  
He summoned a Goomba out of nowhere. Unfortunately the poor thing was over lava. It fell and died a horrible screamy death.

Kamek: Your skills are impressive…I run away!

He dashed away. After shaking their heads the multiple Mario Bros. continue through the castle. Eventually they come to a large locked door. After contemplating a bit, Mario throws the sleeping baby Mario up and over it. He hits the ground hard.

Baby Mario: OW!

Luigi: Hmm…good idea.

Luigi does the same thing…but not before being kicked in the face by his baby version. On the other side Baby Luigi grabs Baby Mario, and tosses him at a floating treasure chest. The door opens and a shiny shard of something pops out. The older Mario Bros. walk in and Mario grabs the shard…whatever it is. Stuffwell appears.

Stuffwell: Excellent! That shard is shiny…so it must be important!

Luigi: Shut up.

Stuffwell: Excellent argument you make!

He disappears. After pocketing the Shard and getting their baby versions on their backs again they continue. A short time later they reach Baby Bowser's bedroom. For some reason, even though Baby Bowser isn't in there, Baby peach and Youthful Toadsworth is, as well as a glowing time portal.

Youthful Toadsworth: Excellent! Maybe YOU can help us get out of here!  
Luigi: Well…you could go in the-

Mario grabs Youthful Toadsworth and Baby Peach and throws them in the Time Hole. He and Baby Mario then follow. Luigi shrugs and then him and Baby Luigi go in as well.

Author's Note: I understand that the Baby Mario and Baby Luigi characters seem a bit…off…but don't worry! There's a good reason for it that is not entirely insane that shall be explained later!


	2. Chapter 2

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Two: Toads Turning into Purple Mushrooms and Giant Insects Going on a Drinking Spree…What's the World Coming Too!

Youthful Toadsworth, Baby Peach and the four Mario Bros. all arrive in the castle courtyard in the present. Youthful Toadsworth runs around with Baby Peach in a baby carriage screaming about time paradoxes and naughty babies. The Mario Bros. shook their heads and headed up to E. Gadd. Upon finding him they discover that he has transformed the Throne room into a lab. He has placed the Junior Shrooboid in a glass tube.

Luigi: Uh…why do you have the alien thing in a tube?  
E. Gadd turns around. He doesn't seem to either notice or care that Baby Mario and Baby Luigi is there.

E. Gadd: It's to help me study!

The Shard thing, floats out of the pockets…of one of the Bros…it's kind of hard to tell…and floats over to the Shrooboid. The creature suddenly smiles and waves at the Shard. The Shard then floats back to the Bros.

E. Gadd: Ah! A piece of the Cobalt Star!  
Luigi: How do you know?  
E. Gadd: I don't, I'm just guessing. But according to the Junior Shrooboids' reaction, the Cobalt Star is the only way to defeat the Shroobs!  
Luigi: But it looked happy-

E. Gadd: YOU FOOL! It was only PRETENDING!

Luigi: Fine! But answer me this...how is all this possible, I mean the things we're doing should be creating dozens of paradoxes-

E. Gadd: What do you mean?  
Luigi: Well, we have to go back in time to the past to help our baby selves beat the Shroobs. It's obvious that they were defeated as they aren't here, now and-

E. Gadd: AAAHHHHH! Stop being intelligent and just ignore the obvious impossibilities surrounding us!

Luigi: What?

E. Gadd: I said-

A Toad runs in.

Toad: Hey…uh…there is a Time Hole…thing…in a bedroom place…yeah…  
E. Gadd: Excellent! Mario Bros! Go there!

Luigi: But I don't know where-

Mario grabs Luigi and the four Bros. head for the Time Hole. They jump in! Upon reaching the other side they discover that they are now in Toadwood Forest, a normally peaceful realm, turned dark and dank by Shroob presence. Walking a bit the four come across a Toad somehow strapped to an evil looking tree.

Luigi: What happened?

Toad: I…was one of the Toads…with Peach…

Luigi: Okay…

Toad: But…the Shroobs attacked…and I hit my head on a rock…and got captured.

Luigi: A bit clumsy, okay…

Toad: And now…the tree shall suck my life-force…and turn me into …a purple mushroom.

He turns into a purple mushroom.

Luigi: Agh! That's just strange!

They shudder, and continue. Throughout the changed forest they encountered Koopeleons, a bizarre creature that upon seeing them turned invisible and ran away. They also ran into Boo Guys, who split into two and continuously slammed into a tree. Finally they saw some Elasto-Piranhas, who were doing aerobics and yoga. They continue until they come to a large tree blocking their path. After studying it for a while they realize there is nothing else they can do, so they continue through the forest. Soon they come to a clearing with several large stumps, six small floating transparent boxes and one large transparent floating box thing. Stuffwell pops out.

Stuffwell: Hmm…after much consideration, I have realized that these boxes require you to get six fireballs in the little ones then smash them with your head to put the all in the big box, to create a big fireball which you then smash to send the fireball into the tree blocking your path, destroying it!

Luigi stared at Stuffwell in shock for a few minutes. He soon got over it as Baby Luigi smacked him in the head.

Luigi: Ow! Stuffwell…

Stuffwell: Yes?

Luigi: How'd you figure all that out?  
Stuffwell: Uh…well made construction?  
Luigi: What?  
Stuffwell: Yes! I am made with fine quality leather and other excellent materials which are used to make suitcases!  
Luigi: You have no clue what you're talking about do you?  
Stuffwell: None whatsoever.

Luigi: Whatever. You might be right. Mario help me flame these boxes.

Luigi fires a green fireball at the box. It bounces off the box and hits Luigi in the face. Baby Mario winces sympathetically while Baby Luigi cackles with glee. Mario also smiles.  
Luigi: OW! Fine, Mario YOU do it!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
He shoots off a red fireball from his hand. It successfully goes in the box.

Luigi: What?  
Stuffwell: Huh. I guess yours were the wrong color.

Mario then fills the rest with fireballs. Once all six were filled he grabbed Luigi.

Luigi: What are you doing!

Mario: Whee!  
He uses Luigi's head to bash all the blocks. They all go in the big block, and then Mario throws Luigi at it. He hits it sending the fireball into the tree, exactly as Stuffwell predicted.

Stuffwell: I was right!  
Luigi: Ow…I wish you weren't…

After spending a few minutes recovering the Mario Bros. head off, with Stuffwell somehow magically shrunk in their pockets. They get past where the tree was and enter the warp pipe in the area after it. It leads to further in the forest. After going straight for a while they come to a large, strange building with a sign on it. The sign says "This is the Shroob's secret Vim Factory. Don't tell anyone!"  
Luigi: Since when can Shroobs write English?

Stuffwell pops out.

Stuffwell: I don't know!

Luigi: So why'd you bother coming out!  
Stuffwell: Uh…um…to…uh…tell you that…you must solve a long and complicated series of puzzles to enter the Shroob's Vim Factory!  
Luigi: Right…and you know this…how?

Stuffwell: I'm a good guesser?  
Baby Luigi chose this time to bite Luigi's ear.

Luigi: OW! What's wrong with this BABY!  
He glances at Baby Mario who is calmly watching everything.

Baby Luigi: Hee hee! WHEE!

Luigi: Geez…he's sort of like Mario…but that's crazy…isn't it?

Stuffwell: Yes. You're crazy.

Luigi: Shut up! The Babies are weird. Baby Mario I like me…and Baby Luigi is like Mario…how is that possible?  
Stuffwell: It doesn't matter! Now solve that insanely complicated puzzle!

Luigi: You don't even know there is a puzzle! You're just saying there is!  
Stuffwell: Are you saying I'm WRONG!

Luigi: YES! You're an idiot! Which isn't very surprising considering that you're a suitcase.

While they were arguing, Mario ran over and hit a button, next to the Vim Factory door. The button opened the door and Mario and Baby Mario went in.

Stuffwell: But I'm a technologically advanced suitcase!

Luigi: No, you can just talk and move around. That doesn't make you technologically advanced, just creepy!

Stuffwell: Oh yeah? Well…hey the door's open!  
Luigi turns around. When he does Stuffwell vanishes in Luigi's pocket or something.

Luigi: How'd that happen?  
He turns back to where Stuffwell was, and was momentarily confused but quickly figured out where he went.

Luigi: Stupid suitcase.

He goes in the Vim Factory as well. There he finds the Mario's in a small room. After checking to make sure all four of them are there, they head into the next room, which has two Hammer Bros. with helmets on that have strange blinking antennae.

Hammer Bro. 1: W3 5411 JOO!

Luigi: What the heck?  
Hammer Bro. 2: Tis L33t Speak!

Luigi: Okay…that's not speaking nothing…its random gibberish.

Hammer Bro 1: 0h Y34? OWNAGE!

Their antennae start flashing. What looks like a wooden nose attached with cables swings over the Hammer Bros.

Hammer Bro. 2: Prepare to be PAWNED!

Luigi: What? The thing is over you guys.

The Hammer Bros. look up.  
Hammer Bro. 1: Uh…

The nose thing starts sucking. The Hammer Bros. dig their hammers into the…ground…and manage to avoid being sucked up. However their helmet things are sucked up. The nose goes away. The Hammer Bros. shake themselves.

Hammer Bro. 2: Wow…that was some severe Pawnage.

Mario ran over to them and smacked one into a wall.

Hammer Bro. 1: OW! Jerk!  
Hammer Bro. 2: We were under the evil Shroob's control via those vile helmets!  
Luigi: Really?  
Mario punches two.

Hammer Bro. 1: Really! Here, we'll give you babies some nice hammers and then we'll go away!

They dash over to the babies and hand them some hammers and then they run away.

Luigi: Uh…should we be trusting babies with hammers?

Baby Luigi slammed Luigi in the head.

Luigi: OW! Stupid Baby me!  
Baby Luigi: Hee hee!  
Stuffwell pops up again.

Stuffwell: Do you want me to teach the babies how to effectively swing their hammers?

Baby Luigi swings again.

Luigi: OW! No! Go away!  
Stuffwell: Fine. I will! Meanie.

Stuffwell disappears again. Luigi manages to turn his head to avoid a third swing from Baby Luigi. Baby Luigi seems to become bored and pockets the hammer. It promptly disappears. Luigi shakes his head, and then he and Mario continue through the dangerous factory. They run into Dr. Shroobs, which are strange yellow Shroobs that somehow got a medical license, even though their idea of medicine is some kind of Shroob mushroom. These foolish "doctors" can't even tell the regular ones from the poisoned ones. Upon seeing the Mario bros. they quickly downed a mushroom, if it was poisoned they passed out and if it was regular they got very large and fell down, unable to get up. They also encountered Lakitufos, which were Lakitu's in flying saucers. They threw down Spiny Shroopas, which was a large purple Spiny. Two Lakitufos spotted the Mario Bros. and flew over them, trying to smack them with their Spiny Shroopas. Their aim was poor however and they mostly just hit themselves. The Mario Bros. continued unhindered.

Luigi: Is it just me, or are the enemies we face getting more pathetic?

Mario: WHEE!  
Luigi: Or perhaps my brother is just getting stupider. That's a possibility.

Mario hits Luigi. Baby Luigi hits Luigi.

Luigi: OW, ow! Why do you keep hitting me? I'm your brother!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: Well…fine I expect it from you anyways…but Baby Luigi, I'm you! You act almost like Mario…

Baby Luigi: Whee!  
Luigi: Whatever, let's just keep going.

Soon they come to a large evil looking tree. With a face. Hanging from the nose is the antennae from the Hammer Bros. The Mario Bros. look at the frightening tree for a bit, but continue on through the bizarre and creepy factory. Eventually the Bros. reach a large pathway, with the floor covered by electricity.  
Luigi: Well…this seems to be impassable.

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOO!  
Mario grabs Luigi and throws him. He lands in the middle of the electric field but because of the way he was thrown Baby Luigi kept going and landed safely on the other side. Luigi however was severely shocked.

Luigi: UFHUJFIWBIGQWUBHIHQVIGQWB!

He dashed to the safe side, getting shocked with every step he took. He clambered up and took a breather. Baby Luigi slammed his foot, because he dropped him.

Luigi: OW!

Luigi got up and holding his foot, leaned against the wall. This caused him to hit a switch, which made a bridge for the Mario's. They crossed. Soon they came to the end of the Factory. They could tell it was the end as various signs said "You're at the end of the Factory." They entered the last room. Inside was a large chamber without a roof. There were two Dr. Shroobs and some kind of massive Wiggler, the Swiggler! The creature was large, angry and red. Its body segments were bizarre orbs and it had antennae on its head and tail. There was a glass of some kind of green liquid in front of it.

Luigi: Uh…hi?  
Dr. Shroob 1: $YYTTTTT!

Luigi: What's that mean?  
Stuffwell pops up.  
Stuffwell: Well, I can't speak Shroob, but I guess he's asking you why you're here.

Luigi: Uh…well we're curious if you have any Cobalt Star Shards…and we'd like you to stop sucking the life out of the Toads and turning them into purple mushrooms?  
Dr. Shroob 2: &(((((!

Stuffwell: I think he said no…

Swiggler: GRRRRRRAAAARGH!

It leans over and gulps down the green liquid. A hatch opens up and a second identical glass with liquid appears.

Stuffwell: I think he said that he's drinking their life force.

Luigi: Oh. I guess that means we'll have to fight them huh?

Stuffwell: YOU will, I'm a suitcase!

Luigi: Coward.

Stuffwell: Yes I am!  
He disappears. Mario jumps on the Swiggler and then, throws baby Mario in the air. Baby Mario slams on the Swiggler with his hammer. They both jump back. The Swiggler doesn't seem to care…  
Luigi: Alright Baby Luigi let's try the same thing-

Baby Luigi: WHEE!  
Baby Luigi smacks Luigi in the head.

Luigi: OW!

The Dr. Shroobs pull out some Ray Guns, spin around and fire…hitting each other. Hey they're doctors, what do you expect? Decent aim? The Swiggler charges up and then raises its rear end up. No it's not a skunk, as the antennae shoots up into the sky. Two Shroob Saucers absorb the energy of the Vim…and promptly explode as they got overcharged. The Swiggler takes major damage.

Luigi: Uh…wow…this is really pathetic.

The Swiggler rears up and slams down, creating a shockwave. The Bros. jump over it, after all enemies have been using the classic "shockwave" attack for ages. It's gotten rather predictable for them. The Swiggler shoots a cloud of poison gas out of its mouth, but the gas stays by the creatures' head, causing it to suffocate. It's poorly thought out attacks finally take their toll on the beast. It explodes into a brilliant pink ball.

Luigi: Wow…that was scarily easy.

As the shiny pink dust clears away second Cobalt Star Shard is revealed. Mario walks over and grabs. He holds it over his head, then pulls out the first Shard they found and dangles that over his head as well. He keeps that position for several minutes.

Luigi: Uh…great Mario, let's go.

A Time Hole appears in the corner.

Luigi: See, a Time Hole appeared, we can go back.

Mario doesn't move.

Luigi: Stop being so stupid!  
Baby Bowser: Gwa ha ha!

He falls down from the roofless top and grabs the two Shards.

Luigi: Hey! Give those back!

Baby Bowser: No!

He jumps back up to the roof.

Baby Bowser: I don't know what these are…but they're shiny so they must be important…and tasty!  
He eats them both.

Mario: OH NOOOOOO!  
Luigi: It's what you get for just standing there for five minutes! And how can those Shards fit in Baby Bowser? They're almost as big as he is!  
Baby Bowser: And now I shall make my evil escape!  
Luigi: Wait…how come you can talk in complete sentences and these babies can't?  
Baby Bowser: What does that have to do with anything?

Luigi: Nothing, I was just curious.

Baby Bowser: Oh…well…uh…I shall ask Kamek!  
He jumps away.

Luigi: Well Mario? Are you proud of yourself now? You lost our Shards!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: You're hopeless.

They jump into the Time Hole and are taken back to Peach's Castle.


	3. Chapter 3

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Three: Being eaten is fun!

They appear in a castle room. After getting their bearings (After all, Time Travel is rather disorienting) they decide to check up on E. Gadd. They walk up to him. He is still apparently working diligently in the throne room, all hunched up by his computers without moving.

Luigi: Uh…E. Gadd?

E. Gadd suddenly jumps up and starts rapidly pressing buttons.

E. Gadd: I wasn't asleep!  
Luigi: Didn't say you were-  
E. Gadd: How's the hunt for the Shards coming?  
Luigi: Awful, Baby Bowser stole the two we collected-

E. Gadd: Good, good!  
Luigi: You're not listening to me are you?  
E. Gadd: I completely agree with whatever you're saying!

Luigi: Right…we'll just go find some other random Tome Hole and jump in-

E. Gadd: Oh! There seems to be some sort of trouble at the front of the castle! You must go there and check it out!

Luigi: Okay…

The Mario Bros. head for the castle courtyard. For some reason the front door to the castle is still locked, thereby preventing anyone from entering or leaving. In the courtyard Toadsworth and Youthful Toadsworth are chatting amiably while Baby Peach attempts to poke her fingers.

Luigi: Is something wrong?  
Youthful Toadsworth: Well, the Princess won't stop crying and we need your help!  
Luigi looks at the occupied Princess.

Luigi: She looks fine to me.

Toadsworth kicks the side of the cradle. She starts screaming.

Toadsworth: Obviously you're wrong.

Luigi: Jeez! You're crazy!  
Youthful Toadsworth: Of course. I do seem to enjoy my older self; he has such a way of imparting useless knowledge merely so he feels useful.

Luigi: What?  
Toadsworth: What my younger self was TRYING to say is that I want to teach you a move guaranteed to either make a baby laugh, or frighten it into submission.

Luigi: Huh?  
Youthful Toadsworth: We're going to teach you a useless move so that we feel useful!  
Luigi: Oh. Teach away, as Mario will probably tackle me if I didn't choose to learn it.

Mario nods excitedly.

Toadsworth: Great! Now the move is, Luigi get on top of Mario, then Mario hold onto him and spin around real fast. If used correctly you should hover!  
Luigi: And if not correctly?  
Youthful Toadsworth: This happens.

Youthful Toadsworth gets on Toadsworth. They start to spin but soon the old man loses his grip and Youthful Toadsworth goes flying into a wall. Toadsworth sudden gets very tired as he is old and actual physical effort is bad for old people. Bored, Baby Peach falls asleep. The Toadsworth quickly lose consciousness.

Luigi: Right…let's just wander around aimlessly until we find a Time Hole.

They wander around aimlessly until they find a Time Hole on the second floor of the castle in the library. Seeing nothing else to do, they jump in. The group is transported to a village by a jungle like area. The village appears to be abandoned, with many of the huts damaged.

Luigi: I think something bad might have happened-OW!  
He was interrupted by Baby Luigi discovering the yumminess of ears.

Baby Luigi: He he!  
Luigi: I hate myself.  
They continue wandering and eventually decide to enter one of the larger huts. Inside they are confronted by a female Koopa wearing some kind of green headgear.

Kylie: I'm a news reporter person!  
Luigi: Uh…great…

Kylie: I have a New York accent!  
Luigi: No you don't…

Kylie: DO TOO!

Luigi: Whatever. What are you doing here?

Kylie: I think there's an awesome story here…the Yoshi's are all gone!  
Luigi: Wait…this is a Yoshi Village?  
Kylie: Yeah…

Luigi: What is this? There fifth village!  
Kylie: Eh. I'm a rad reporter!

Luigi: Great…

Kylie: I think the Yoshi's are living in the ceiling…

Luigi: Really? Why?  
Kylie: Cause I'm the best journalist ever! YEAH!

Kylie spins around, then jabs her thumb at her face, poking herself in the eye.

Kylie: OW!

Luigi: Uh…what newspaper do you work for again?  
Kylie: Newspaper? What's a newspaper?  
Luigi: Okay…maybe we should just leave…

Luigi and Mario start edging out the door when they hear muffled mumbling coming from above the ceiling. They listen for a bit, and then they start hearing some loud thumping coming from the ceiling. Suddenly the ceiling cracks and a large quantity of Yoshis fall through.

Green Yoshi: ACK! Why were you ground-pounding!  
Blue Yoshi: It itched.

Yellow Yoshi: Well, because of your stupid itch we can't hide anymore! Yoob is going to eat us!  
Luigi: Yoob?

Pink Yoshi: AHHH! A human!  
Luigi: What?  
Kylie: What a story!  
A loud thundering noise is heard.

Green Yoshi: ACK! It's Yoob! Run!  
They all run outside.

Luigi: Wait…if they're trying to run away from something outside…why are they running outside?

Kylie: Sounds like a story to me! YAY!

Kylie runs out. Luigi shrugs, and then decides to go out himself. Mario of course follows, with their baby selves on their backs. Outside they saw the Yoshis running around like idiots while Kylie took pictures. A humongous fat pink Yoshi like creature with a green belly and red eyes was waddling around catching Yoshis with it's extendable Yoshi tongue and eating them.

Luigi: Uh…Kylie…what IS that!  
Kylie: I think it's Yoob!  
Luigi: Okay…and what exactly is a Yoob?  
Kylie: That!  
Luigi: What! That doesn't answer my ques-

Kylie jumps down and starts taking close-up pictures of the Yoob, in between inhaling Yoshi's it poses it bizarre model-like poses. The Mario Bros are in shock, and after Yoob finishes with the Yoshi's it waddles away rather quickly. Kylie proudly holds up her camera.

Kylie: This is great stuff! I can't wait to open it and see all the awesome pictures!  
She pries off the cover and tears out the film. Several chunks are shredded. She smiles as she looks at the destroyed film.

Kylie: YAY! I don't know what to do now!

Kylie went into her shell and started ramming walls. The Mario bros. back away, and head up to where the Yoob went, because they figured it might be relevant to their quest. They entered the last hut before the jungle. Inside was Kamek, and a lot of crushed Yoshi cookies.

Luigi: YOU!  
Kamek: Uh…hi? I need to get food for Prince Bowser, as he's hungry.

Luigi: Wait…Baby Bowser is here! He's the one that ate our Shards!  
Kamek: Oh…is that what he ate? He said he wasn't feeling to great. He said it felt like being poked on the inside.

Luigi: That's because the Shard's are pointy!  
Kamek: Oh. Well I'll take some of these cookies and get going! Bye!

Kamek snatches a few of the cookies, and then flies away. The Bros. follow him into the Jungle. After a bit he spots them following him.

Kamek: Ugh! Why are you following me!  
Luigi: We need those Shards from Baby Bowser!  
Kamek: And how do you plan to get them? Jumping? There in his stomach!  
Luigi: Uh…good question.

Mario: Whee!  
Luigi: Well, I'm sure Mario has something planned!  
Kamek: I bet! Well you're not getting to the Cliff! Attack various creatures living around here!  
Kamek flies away. A Pidgit, a small flightless bird on a flying carpet, a Coconutter, which is a bizarre creature that appears to be made out of coconuts with a palm tree on its head and a Gnarantula which is an insect covered in cloud matter somehow, all appear and make threatening motions at the Mario Bros.

Luigi: What the heck are these things!

The Coconutter raises its spear and does some kind of weird tribal dance. Rain suddenly starts to fall. The Pidgit gets startled and falls off its carpet. The carpet falls on the Coconutter, covering its empty sockets…which somehow causes it to be unable to see even though the abomination has no eyes. The Pidgit decides to ride the Gnarantula to battle and jumps on its supposedly fluffy cloud self. The cloud stuff disappears as soon as contact is made, revealing spikes. The Pidgit is stuck to the spikes. The Coconutter then runs into its two "allies" and begins stabbing them, since it doesn't realize what they are. The Mario Bros. continue.

Luigi: I gotta tell you Mario, the enemies these days are getting easier and easier.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Baby Mario smiles at Luigi. Luigi smiles back, grateful for someone who isn't trying to cause him physical harm or spouting insane gibberish. They soon encounter Kamek again.

Kamek: Ack! You guys AGAIN! My enemies didn't take you out!  
Luigi: No…they did take themselves out though…

Kamek: Hmmph…well have some FIRE!  
Kamek shot a piece of fire out of the front of his wand. However his aim was poor and the fire hit the end of his broom. Everyone stares at it for a moment and then the entire broom goes up in flames.  
Kamek: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BAD IDEA!  
He flies away quickly before his broom disintegrates. It turns to ash at the top of the Jungle, by the Cliff and the Mario Bros. quickly follow. At the top they see Kamek, giving a grouchy Baby Bowser some of the Yoshi Cookies he pilfered.

Baby Bowser: I HATE these things Kamek! I don't know WHY you brought them here.

Baby Bowser then starts chomping away on the cookies while occasionally muttering "Mmm…yummy!"  
Kamek: I'm sorry. I'll buy you more presents once we get back to your castle.

The Multiple Mario Bros. suddenly arrive!  
Kamek: ACK! You! Now I have to cause unpleasantly large amounts of pain to you so you go away!  
Baby Bowser: Yeah! Take them out! I'm going to wander off to the side and not watch because I know you're going to win!

He does so. Kamek takes out his wand and summons a large spiked ball. It falls and misses the Bros. completely.

Kamek: Hmm…my aim still needs work…but let's see you survive THIS! SUICIDAL FLAMING CHARGE!  
Kamek shoots a fireball at himself. He catches on fire and charges at Luigi incredibly fast.

Luigi: ACK! What kind of twisted attack is THAT! OW!  
Kamek tackles Luigi to the ground and proceeds to burn like crazy on him.

Kamek: This is exceedingly painful!  
Luigi: THEN GET OFF! OW!  
Baby Luigi: Ouch!  
Baby Luigi crawls out from under the flaming guys and proceeds to pummel them both with his hammer.

Kamek: OW!  
Luigi: OW! Stupid me!  
Luigi manages to push Kamek away from him.

Kamek: Ohhh…that last attack took a lot out of me…

He passes out.

Luigi: Well…DUH! You set yourself on fire!  
Baby Luigi hops back up on Luigi's back.

Luigi: I still don't like you.

Baby Luigi: Keydoke!

Luigi: I have no clue what that means.

They go a bit until they confront Baby Bowser.

Baby Bowser: Crud! You beat up Kamek! Now I shall RUN IN CIRCLES! AAAAAHHHHHH!  
He runs in circles. Yoob starts crawling up the side of the cliff. A Shroob saucer blasts it with some kind of blasty ray and he grows like three times his original size (Which was pretty big to begin with) he quickly reaches the top.

Luigi: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Yoob!

Baby Bowser stops.

Baby Bowser: What about me?

Yoob sticks out his tongue and eats Baby Bowser.

Luigi: Dang it! Now we need to get eaten too…well the Shards aren't worth that so-AHHH! No Mario! NO!  
Mario grabs Luigi and jumps in Yoob's mouth. They are taken through a long…and mechanical throat. And end up in the creature's "belly".

Luigi: You know…looking at this thing…I don't think it's organic. It might be some kind of machine…and where are all the Yoshis? And Baby Bowser?

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: I don't know why I even bother trying to have a conversation with you. Let's wander around until we find the Yoshis. They wander a bit. Soon, a bull-like creature waddles over to them.

Bully: I am a Bully! Don't hit me! You have been warned…

Luigi: Okay. We won't.

They continue on. The Bully looks at them and then runs up in front of them again.

Bully: I mean it! If you hit me I get ANGRY! So don't!

Luigi: I WON'T! Now go away!  
Bully: Please? Hit me…I want to Bully someone…

Mario: Okeydokey.

Mario punts the thing into what looks like a pool of acid.

Bully: Thank…you...Ack. Death.

Luigi: Freaking weirdo.

They continue. They don' get far however before they are confronted by another vicious enemy…this time it's a Dry Bones!  
Dry Bones: Please…water…I must have water…so Dry…

Okay…maybe not so vicious.

Luigi: Wow…uh…you're pathetic.  
Dry Bones: I know. Water?  
Mario: OH NOOOOO!

Dry Bones: Jerk…

The Dry Bones crumbles into dust. The Mario Bros. see a large stone boulder…thing…in the shape of a chomp by a hole. They attempt to push it…but it is too heavy. Figuring that all will be solved eventually they keep going. Soon they come to a large bunch of Yoshis cowering in front of…a Blue Shroob with a robot thing?  
Blue Yoshi: AHHHH! He'll antennae us to death!  
RC Shroober: && $$)$(( A$)) &) () (()!

Luigi: What the? What is this?  
Green Yoshi: I don't know…but it's scary!  
Mario walks over to it and kicks the robot into the Shroober. The Shroober starts crying and runs away.

Pink Yoshi: Uh…thanks for saving us.

Luigi: Wow…you needed saving from THAT?  
Blue Yoshi: Shut up.

Green Yoshi: Well…we'll push that big boulder into the hole, thereby allowing you to continue your journey! YAY!  
They run past the Bros. and push the Chomp Rock down the hole, which rolls through Yoob's mechanical belly revealing a new path. The Yoshis celebrate and run through the new path, and after a minute to get Baby Luigi to stop trying to eat Luigi's nose they follow. In the next area they find some kind of bizarre Shroob workshop thing…they appear to be using machines to pick up the Yoshis and put them inside strange purple and green eggs.  
Luigi: What the? How does all this FIT in Yoob? I mean…before it was all big.

Random Yoshi: AHHH! I don't want to be an egg! I mean…again. After all Yoshis ARE born from egg and AAAHHH!  
The Yoshi is encased in one of the eggs.

Luigi: Okay…this is like…really creepy. Maybe we should just move on and-

Baby Luigi: Oohoo!

Luigi: What? NO!  
Baby Luigi jumps off Luigi and stats assaulting the Shroobs. Mario also jumps in. baby Mario slides off and stands by Luigi as they watch their…uh…"brothers" beat up numerous aliens.

Luigi: Hmph. I'm guessing the Shroobs aren't a peaceful race.

Baby Mario: Yeah!

Luigi: Strange…how my Baby self…and your ADULT self seem to be so similar…ACK!  
Luigi dodges as a random Shroob randomly shoots a random laser blast from his random gun…randomly. Yeah. Soon Mario and Baby Luigi managed to incapacitate all the Shroobs. They then proceeded to free the Yoshis who kept saying how grateful they were, then ran off deeper into Yoob. The Mario Bros. hooked up again and continued, trying to find their way out of the strange and bizarre mechanical robotic alien Yoshi…thing. After a wee bit they managed to catch up to the Yoshis who they saw were all huddled up in a small room.

Luigi: What are you doing?  
Yellow Yoshi: Waiting for you to figure out a way out of here.

Luigi: You couldn't like…you know…HELP!

Red Yoshi: No…we like you doing the work better! But I do have something for you!  
Luigi: Really? What?  
Red Yoshi: It's a BADGE!

He gives Luigi a fruit.  
Luigi: Uh…this is a fruit. A half-eaten fruit.

Red Yoshi: So it is! Thanks!

The Yoshi eats the fruit.

Luigi: I don't even know why we bother helping you.

Black Yoshi: Because we're cute! Yoshi!  
Luigi: …Just…shut up.

The Mario Bros. continue their fun venture through the bowels of the Yoob. After a while they encounter a very tired Toad with a blue mushroom cap.

Toadbert: Hello! What are you doing here?  
Luigi: Uh…trying to find the way out…who are you?  
Toadbert: Well…I'm Toadbert…and…well…that's about all I can remember.

Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: I'm awake!  
Luigi: Agh! Go away!  
Stuffwell: No! Why it's Toadbert…you accompanied Princess Peach to the past!  
Toadbert: I did? I can't remember…the memory.

Stuffwell: Maybe what happened was so horrible you blocked it out?  
Toadbert: What? No, don't be ridiculous! I just haven't had any coffee for a while and I'm quite exhausted. I did draw a picture of what happened. No clue what it means, as I'm an awful artist.

He hands Luigi a poorly drawn and dirty picture that looks like it was drawn by a preschooler with a crayon.

Luigi: This looks like it was drawn by a preschooler with a crayon.

Toadbert: Hey! It was a marker! Yawn…

Luigi: Wait…It looks like there's more of the picture here, covered by dirt…

Luigi prepares to wipe some of the dirt off.

Toadbert: NOOOOO! Don't do that! It will reveal to much of the plot to early!  
Luigi: What?  
Mario: Mamamia!

Mario grabs the picture and shoves it in his pocket.

Luigi: Hey! What was that for!

Stuffwell: My work is done!  
Stuffwell disappears.

Luigi: You didn't DO anything! I hate suitcases.

Toadbert: Now you want to get out right?  
Luigi: Yes.

Toadbert: Well...in the next room is a ferocious creature I've decided to name Sunnycide. I think it's guarding the exit. Hurry up and save us.

Luigi: Wait…why'd you name it Sunnycide? Does it smile?  
Toadbert: Not like Sunnyside happy! Sunnycide, with Cide like insecticide! It's BAD! Get it?

Luigi: No.

Toadbert: Good, because I don't either.  
Luigi: Well if we have to fight it to escape we will…

Toadbert: Great! I'll wait here!  
Luigi: Lazy bum.  
Toadbert: True…but I'm a lazy bum with temporary amnesia…so deal with it!

Luigi: Fine.

They enter the next room. Inside they see a large evil looking creature that sort of looks like an open eggshell, the same colors as the ones the Yoshis were forced into. It has green feet (Yes, just green feet. It has no legs. It's a freaking evil EGG for crying out loud!) And green tentacles. It has two creepy glowing eyes on green stalks and a strange bump inside the eggshell. Surrounding the vile beast is multiple trapped Yoshis in the gross Shroobdacious eggs.

Luigi: Wow…that thing…is UGLY!

Sunnycide: (&$T&!

Mario: Woohoo!

Mario jumps at Sunnycide. He bounces off its hard armor. So Mario throws Baby Mario at it.

Baby Mario: WAAAHHHH!  
Sunnycide: &T!

Sunnycide swats the airborne infant away. Luigi dives and catches him.

Luigi: Jeez Mario! If he hit his head he could have gotten severe brain damage! Which…considering he's a baby you, that might explain some-

Mario smacks Luigi. Sunnycide picks up the eggs and throws them at the Mario Bros. They duck, and the eggs bounce off the wall and hit Sunnycide, knocking it over, revealing the bump.

Luigi: That must be the creature's weak spot! Get it!  
Luigi and Mario both jump on the bump.

Sunnycide: ($$(!

The beast appears to be hurt but a cord falls from nowhere. Sunnycide pulls it and the room gets dark.  
Luigi: I can't see-

A boo appears in front of Luigi.

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Boo: ACK!

The Boo gets frightened and disappears.

Luigi: That cord appeared from thin air! This whole adventure is impossible!

Sunnycide gets up. Upon doing so it bumps some of the eggs causing them to crack open. Several Yoshis bound out.

Purple Yoshi: YAY! Let's go lean on that weird rock up there!

Other Yoshis: YAY! We're free!  
They pointlessly run up to a pointless hill and lean against the pointless Chomp Rock pointlessly knocking it off the pointless hill into the pointless Sunnycide who pointlessly falls over.

Luigi: This is pointless.

Sunnycide: &T((&)(&()&!

A chain falls out of nowhere and Sunnycide pulls it. A bottomless hole appears underneath the stupid thing, taking it away to its doom. A hole appears in the corner of the room, and all the other Yoshis and Toadbert come in.

Toadbert: YAY! Now we can leave!

The Yoshis take all the weird eggs and push them through the hole. Toadbert and the Yoshis jump through. Mario and Luigi as well as their baby selves jump through as well. They slide through a mechanical pipe and are…removed through the rear end of the now unmoving Yoob. They all land in Yoshis village even though it is a considerable drop they are all unharmed. The eggs all crack open upon contact with the ground revealing more Yoshis and…a Baby Bowser. Luigi walks over to him.

Luigi: Give us those Shards!  
Baby Bowser: Ack, you! Oh well…it really hurts so you guys can have them. I don't know WHY I ate two pointy things that logically could not fit in me. HACK!  
He makes a noise like a cat ejecting a hairball and coughs up the two Shards. Mario quickly dashes over and grabs them before Luigi can do anything.

Luigi: JERK!  
Mario: Okeydokey!

The Yoshis run over to Mario and Luigi.

Green Yoshi: Thanks for saving us…but now go away.

Luigi: What? Why?  
Red Yoshi: You smell funny.

Luigi: Oh yeah? Well…you're…uh…STUPID!  
Blue Yoshi: MEANIE!  
The Yoshis all run away crying. Luigi shrugs and the Mario Bros. go back to their original time.


	4. Chapter 4

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Four: I don't like museums, they smell like old kitties!

The Multiple Mario Bros. arrived in the castle, in the present. As usual they headed for E. Gadd. They see him playing some kind of strange dancing game.

E. Gadd: Yes! Left, right, UP! JUMP!  
He dashes from arrow to arrow while retro music plays from his "scientific" equipment.

Luigi: Uh…E. Gadd?

He jumped and quickly turned his machine off.

E. Gadd: Ah! Oh…it's you. What do you want? I'm very busy!  
Luigi: Yes…I can…see that. Well, we got the Shards back-

E. Gadd: So you're where you would be if you never lost them in the first place?  
Luigi: Uh…yes.

E. Gadd: Good show!

Luigi: Yeah…

Mario: WHEE!  
Mario pulled out the poorly drawn picture that Toadbert made. E. Gadd took a good long, quick look at it.

E. Gadd: I have no clue what this is supposed to be a drawing of, but it must be important so hold on to it!  
Luigi: Why is it important?  
E. Gadd: I don't know. QUICKLY! To the Toadsworths!

Luigi: What? Why?

E. Gadd: GO!  
Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario grabs Luigi and drags him and the babies to the front of the castle. There they see Youthful Toadsworth and Toadsworth trying to entertain the Princess. They curl around each other, grabbing the others feet and then rapidly roll around. Although impossible the princess seems to enjoy it. After hitting a wall they let go of each other.

Luigi: Wow…uh…that's like…impossible.

Youthful Toadsworth: And it is important to your quest that you do it!

Luigi: How?  
Baby Mario nods his head, as if in agreement with Luigi.

Toadsworth: It makes it easier to go up stairs real fast!

Luigi: How? Wouldn't that make it HARDER to go up stairs?  
Youthful Toadsworth: What do you mean?  
Luigi: Well, if you are in a circular form, then you roll. And rolling objects quickly lose momentum when traveling up.  
Toadsworth: Uh…

The Princess starts crying.

Youthful Toadsworth: ACK! The logic frightens her! Make them go away!  
Toadsworth: LEAVE! You awful, awful people!

Luigi: What? What'd I do?

Mario and Baby Luigi glare at Luigi.

Luigi: Whatever.

They go back inside the castle. They wander a bit until they see a cloaked figure descend through a hidden door in the floor.

Luigi: Who was that!

Luigi takes a step forward but Mario holds him back. Baby Luigi grabs Baby Mario, and throws him off Mario. Baby Luigi then jumps off, and practically carries Baby Mario through the small trapdoor.

Luigi: What are you, crazy?  
Mario: Okeydokey!

Baby Luigi drags Baby Mario through an intricate system of sewers underneath the castle. After a little bit of traveling they come to what seems to be a shop…and running it is…Fawful!

Fawful: Welcome to my beany layer, Micro Red and Green!

Baby Mario: Eh?  
Fawful: Ah! You want to know why I calls it that JAM? Well. This is where the MUSTARDY Fawful sells mystical sandwiches…Fawful means badges in exchange for ordinary Beans!  
Baby Luigi: Oooh…

Fawful: Yes…complete waste of badges but…well they ARE Beans!

Baby Mario: Eh?  
Fawful: Ah! You want to hear my life story!

Baby Luigi: Keydoke!

Fawful: Well…many uh…days and/or weeks ago…Jammy Fawful worked with…a thing…person. CHEESE! And Fawful…failed in blasting naughty bros of RED and GREEN! Oh the Gerbil-Hamsters! Wait…Micro babies…RED and GREEN you wear…could you have…shopped at the same store!

Baby Luigi shook his head no.

Fawful: Oh…Micro babies…leave.

He dejectedly falls into a jar of Beans and shoves them in his ears. The Babies cautiously edge away before running like…well babies. They reach their older selves. Mario is pinning Luigi onto the ground and slapping Luigi with his own hat. Upon seeing the babies he stops and lets Luigi up. The babies get on their respective rides and the Bros. head off, with Luigi grumbling about being abused. Eventually they find a tall tower. Seeing locked doors at the top, a floating block and several stairs leading there Luigi comes to the obvious conclusion.

Luigi: How the heck does that block float!  
Okay…obvious but not a conclusion.

Luigi: Well…according to the INSANE logic used in our adventures, hitting that block will cause a timer to start and open the doors. We would then have to run like super fast to reach it before it closed. Well too bad-

Mario: OKEYDOKEY!  
Mario hits the switch and runs off. Luigi walks slowly behind.

Luigi: I don't want to run.

Mario quickly reaches the top. 45.7864 seconds later Luigi reaches the top, with Baby Luigi smacking him the whole way. Together they go through the door and the timer goes off shortly after, closing it behind them.

Luigi: That was strangely convenient how it didn't close until right AFTER I went through the door.  
Mario: Okeydokey!

They head into the next area and see the classic Time Hole. Seeing nothing else to do they just jump on in. They pop out somewhere in a desert. After taking a minute to collect their bearings (which Mario dropped all over the place) they walked forward to explore the area that they've never seen before…soon they came across a huge building. Luigi was about to go in when Mario grabbed his hand and carried him deeper into the desert.

Luigi: But I think we're supposed to go into the building-

Kylie Koopa pops out of the sand like…uh…a poppy sand…kitty…yeah.

Kylie: HI!

Luigi: Wha! Where'd you come from?

Kylie: From underground silly! Weren't you paying attention?  
Luigi: Well duh from underground…how long were you under there?  
Kylie: 26!  
Luigi: 26 what? Hours…minutes…days?  
Kylie: Yes!  
Luigi: Yes to which one?

Kylie: The one you said!  
Luigi: But I said three-…oh forget it. What do you want?  
Kylie: To tell you that the Shroobs have taken over the Koopaseum!

Luigi: What's that?  
Kylie: Sigh…it's that BIG building you guys just ran past.

Luigi: Oh…how come I never heard of it…and HEY! How'd you know we just ran past it? You were under the ground!

Kylie: Journalist instincts.

Luigi: That doesn't answer my question.

Kylie: It answers mine!  
Luigi: You didn't ask a question!  
Kylie: Maybe not to you…

Luigi: Fine! You are a crazy journalist and the big bad Shroobs have taken over the Koopaseum which I have NEVER heard of before…anything else?  
Kylie: Oh…well both Princess Shroob and Princess Peach are there as well.

Luigi: WHAT!  
Kylie: Bye now!

She tunnels away somehow.

Luigi: Great. Now we have to infiltrate the-

Mario charges for the front doors and breaks in.

Luigi: Or we could rush blindly in. Whatever makes YOU happy.

Baby Luigi: AH!  
Baby Luigi kicks Luigi.

Luigi: Fine! I'm going! Sheesh.

Luigi goes inside the museum. Mario has already dispatched the four Shroobs inside, with the aid of Baby Mario as a thrown projectile. Mario scoops up the bruised baby and prepares to go into the next area when Luigi catches up.

Luigi: Jerk, using a baby as a weapon.

Mario: Woohoo!

Luigi: Whatever, let's just grab the Princess and beat the…uh…other Princess.

Before they could go on however three…interesting characters burst in from the open door to the desert. A strange green Shroob in diving clothes (A Diver Shroob), a Bob-omb and a Pokey.

Luigi: What?  
Diver Shroob: &$$T!

Bob-omb: What my Diver Shroobing friend here is trying to say is that you can not continue.

Luigi: Aren't we in a desert?  
Bob-omb: Yes…

Luigi: So what? Does he dive in the sand? Is that even physically possible?  
Bob-omb: Uh…the LOGIC HURTS MY BRAIN! EXPLOSION!

Diver Shroob: &((((!

The Bob-omb runs over and explodes on the Shroob. They both disappear.

Luigi: Wow.

The Pokey freaks out and starts sending spiky needles all over the place. One grazes Luigi, before him and Mario dash inside the next room and close the door.

Luigi: Well at least there was one enemy that didn't kill itself.

Mario: OKEYDOKEY!

They walk a bit through the extraordinarily poorly guarded Shroob occupied museum. They see a series of locked doors with small windows in them. The Bros. walk up and look in the windows.

Luigi: WHOA!  
There is a humongous arena fully filled with hundreds of Shroobs all surrounding a central platform. On that platform with four Shroobs was a taller Shroob in a regal garb.

Luigi: That must be Princess Shroob!  
Apparently hearing Luigi, the Shroobs near the doors on the other side open them.

Shroob: &(((((&?  
The alien fiend was apparently asking the Mario Bros. a question.  
Luigi: Crud…I'll have to wing it. Of course I have tickets! How could I miss the uh…whatever the heck this is.

Shroob: &&(((&(&.

It appeared to accept that and let them through.

Luigi: Wow…uh…not to bright are they?  
Mario: OH NOOOOOOO!  
They start heading down the small aisle leading to the center stage. Meanwhile Princess Shroob is giving some kind of speech.

Princess Shroob: &&&(&!

Luigi: What kind of stuff does this museum…uh…have? I haven't seen anything even remotely like a museum.

Princess Shroob: &($(T(!

She waves her hands around wildly and a bound and gagged Princess Peach dangles from the ceiling by a rope.

Luigi: Agh! The Princess! This could be it! Our adventure could be over RIGHT here. We just rescue the Princess and beat up the uh…other Princess and we can go on home!

The Mario Bros. hurry through the tightly packed aisle…as in their excitement Shroobs have started crowding in that area. Princess Shroob claps her hands and suddenly burying up into the center platform as it was sand and NOT well uh…maybe that stuff is sand…well anyways Petey Piranha popped up.

Luigi: What's HE doing here!

The rope that held Peach was cut and she fell right into Petey's mouth. He snapped his mouth closed and burrowed back under the sand.

Luigi: SHOOT! Oh well…according to the logic of our adventures she's probably unharmed and we just need to go rescue her.

Princess Shroob: &&?

Apparently the Princess has noticed the Mario Bros. She calls for the Shroobs to let them through. They open up a path and they quickly reach the center platform by jumping up onto it.  
Luigi: Give us the Princess!

Princess Shroob: (Eerie alien laugh.)

The other Shroobs join in with her disturbingly high pitched laugh with equally creepy chortles, cackles and yes some maniacal giggling as well.

Luigi: Please? I really want to go-

Mario shoots off several fireballs into the crowd. Several Shroobs catch on fire. Immediately all the Shroobs stop laughing and some try to put out their flaming brethren. The Princess makes several strange hand motions and a large blue Shroob creature with puffed up lips drops from the ceiling (It's a Shrooboid Brat)

Luigi: Where do all these ceiling things come from!

Princess Shroob gestures at the Mario Bros and then her and her entourage back off. The Shrooboid Brat advances menacingly.

Luigi: Why is there always fighting!  
It pulls out several large lollipops from its mouth.

Luigi: What the?

The Shrooboid Brat then faces the crowd and raises its tiny arms. They Shroobs in the crowd hold up several signs. Some are red and have a M, while others are green and have an L. There are considerably more L's then M's.

Luigi: What is this? Some kind of twisted popularity contest? I guess I'm more popular then you Mario! Probably the looks…you are a little pudgy-

Mario smacks Luigi. The Shrooboid then turns and throws all three lollipops at Luigi. He barely dodges the first two but the third one hits him right in the face, causing him to fall over.

Luigi: Ow…taken out by a lollipop…kind of embarrassing.

Baby Luigi scrambles out from under himself…older self…something. He then waddle-dashed very quickly at the Shrooboid Brat and…bit its foot.

Shrooboid Brat: &&(&((&!  
It squealed and kicked Baby Luigi off. Fortunately he landed safely on Luigi's stomach.

Luigi: OUCH!  
Mario looked about ready to attack too, when several mushrooms and fireballs fell from the ceiling. The Brat ate them and then spat them at the Bros. By some kind of interesting luck the mushrooms went to Mario, while the fireballs hit Luigi. He quickly popped while screaming like a little girl.

Luigi: ACK! FIRE!  
He ran around quickly while the Brat laughed until something ELSE fell from the ceiling. The Pokey! It landed on Luigi and bounced off…somehow putting out the fire.

Luigi: Is anything else up there? I mean honestly-

A Poison Mushroom falls from the ceiling and hits Luigi.

Luigi: BLECH! Those are BAD! Reminder to self: Don't ask rhetorical questions. The Irony Gods take them literally.

Mario: Eh?

While Luigi babbles about fate and unpleasantness the Pokey and the Shrooboid face off. The Brat tosses several lollipops at it, but the Pokey skillfully doesn't move and they all miss because the Brat has bad aim. In anger the Pokey shoots several needles at the Brat. Most miss but one penetrates the creature's puffy lips shooting out large quantities of air and causing the creature to go flying in a most cartoony way. The Pokey celebrates for a second before one of the Shroobs vaporizes it with its ray gun. Several Shroobs then surround the Bros.

Luigi: Uh…this doesn't look good.

The Princess walks back onto the stage and appears to be about to deliver the order to execute the Bros. when suddenly Kylie Koopa falls from the ceiling and hits one of the Shroobs and bounces off and hits several more, knocking them out.

Luigi: NO MORE THINGS FROM THE CEILING! PLEASE!

Kylie: I'm here to get a story! Anything interesting happen?  
Luigi: Besides Princess peach being eaten by a giant plant, a Pokey battling an alien creature that fights with lollipops and this entire museum is populated with hundreds…if not thousands of Shroobs? No nothing interesting happened.

Kylie; Aw…I was really looking forward to a story. Bye!

She dashes away.

Luigi: Now what?  
Princess Shroob: &(()()()()!   
Suddenly the floor drops away and the Bros fall into the underground caverns beneath the desert known as Gritzy Caves. The Shroobs resume their vile cackling.

Luigi: Great. We're underground. What now Mario?  
Mario: Whee!  
He starts running through the tunnels.  
Luigi: HEY! Wait!

The travel speedily through the tunnels, traversing many a dangerous path until they come face-to-face with three dangerous baddies.  
Luigi: Great. Enemies.

A blue Shy Guy with a large cannon strapped to his head (Elite Boom Guy) a Egyptian style sarcophagus with a Snifit face on it, floating in midair (A Snifaro) and a dark purple Dark Boo.

Luigi: I gotta tell you…these enemies are getting weirder and weirder.

The Elite Boom Guy prepares to fire off an Elite Boom Blast…but becomes unsteady due to the weight of the cannon and falls over. The Snifaro shoots off some rocket jets attached to it and flies overhead, while the Dark Boo becomes fearful of opening its eyes so it closes them. However closing its eyes also cause it to be afraid so trapped in this terrible conundrum it explodes.

Luigi: Weird.

The Snifaro flies around shooting poorly aimed black pellets, until it is shot down by the Elite Boom Guy who figures if he can't hit the Bros. he might as well hit something.

Luigi: Strange.  
They continue their journey through the caves. Soon they come to a large cavernous room, with no exit. They walk towards the end, but seeing no way out they stop.

Luigi: Dang! How are we supposed to get out now-

A loud rumbling is heard.

Luigi: Uh…oh…

Suddenly bursting from the ground in the center of the room Petey Piranha pops up!

Luigi: It's never simple.

Petey spat a block at the Bros. Mario grabbed Luigi and used his head to block it.

Luigi: OW! Stop using me as a shield!

Mario: OH NOOOO!  
Luigi stamped on Mario's foot.

Mario: ACK!  
His grip loosened and Luigi managed to get away.  
Luigi: Ha! Didn't see that coming, did you-

Baby Luigi: Ha!  
Baby Luigi slammed Luigi in the head with his hammer.

Luigi: OW! Not you too!

Petey Piranha: GAH HA HA!

Petey body slammed the ground causing boulders to fall around the Bros. They dashed quickly through the maelstrom of rock, only to be hit with a Mini-Piranha Plant dangling from the ceiling.

Mario and Luigi: OW!

Petey then dived underground, somehow causing seed like rocks to come flying at the Bros, but they quickly jumped over those.

Luigi: How exactly does he breathe underground? Won't he suffocate?  
As if on cue Petey popped out of the ground, gasping and very tired. He tried to stay conscious but was unable too. And like everyone who is important he exploded into pink dust, opening a door at the edge of the room and revealing another Cobalt Star Shard.

Luigi: YAY! Now to rescue the Princess and get out of here!  
Mario grabs the third Cobalt Star Shard and combines it with the others. The Mario Bros. then go into the next room where "Peach" is waiting for them. However…something seems off…

Luigi: She's got a purple mushroom strapped to her face.

Peach nods emphatically.

Luigi: Eh…I don't care…as long as we can leave-

They all vanish.

What happened to the Mario Bros and "Peach"! Why is there a purple Mushroom on her head! Why did Petey Piranha have a shiny shard and can Kylie be any more unintelligent! All this and less shall be revealed at the next not really exciting CHAPTER of Mario and Luigi: Partners in Paradoxes!


	5. Chapter 5

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Five: So…who feels up for a cheerful romp around a BUBBLING VOLCANO?

The Mario Bros. and Peach appeared in the castle courtyard. Toadsworth immediately sees them and after babbling about some kind of bed thing, he literally drags her away, presumably to her room on the second floor.

Luigi: Okay…how did that happen! How did we get teleported like that?  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: Whatever, it probably has something to do with the Cobalt Star. Has anyone noticed how the castle seems to change radically every adventure?  
Youthful Toadsworth has also caught notice of the Bros. and wanders over.

Youthful Toadsworth: What do you mean?  
Luigi: Well, there was that time, when Bowser had this castle and there were all these weird Power Star things, it was HUGE, and then there was that time when Peach had that party and Bowser captured the whole castle, I mean each time the castle layout has been completely different!  
Youthful Toadsworth: I have absolutely no idea about what you are talking about.

Luigi: Oh…yeah, you haven't existed in those times yet. But still! Isn't the castle here and now different from the one you're used to?  
Youthful Toadsworth: Well…I don't know…it might very well be, but I haven't left the courtyard since I came here.

Luigi: You're kidding.

Youthful Toadsworth: No, really! Baby Peach is quite a handful!  
Luigi: Fine. I guess my point shall remain unproven.

Toadsworth came back.

Toadsworth: Oh I do so love putting Princesses to bed!

Luigi: Wha? Freakin' weirdo!

Toadsworth: I most defiantly am!

Luigi: Whatever. I wonder where we must go now, we have three Cobalt Star Shards and I think we need six…so…?  
Youthful Toadsworth: Let's teach you some new moves!  
Luigi: Let's not and say we didn't!  
Toadsworth: Oh…but I want to teach-

Luigi: NO.

Youthful Toadsworth: Fine. Jerk.

Before they can continue to argue a loud rumbling is heard from inside the castle.

Toadsworth: That came from the Princesses room!  
Luigi: What? How can you tell!  
Toadsworth: Who cares? Just go rescue her or something.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Baby Mario: No!  
Luigi: Great more rescuing.  
Baby Luigi: Woo!  
The Mario Bros. dash up to Princess Peach's room, dodging the panicking Toads.

Luigi: What purpose exactly do the Toads serve? All they do is panic.

Getting no response from the Toads, Luigi shrugs and speeds up. Soon they reach Peach's room and they burst in. She is standing in the center of the room, and between her and the Mario Bros. is…

Luigi: Bowser!  
Yes the giant turtle that so far has been missing in this adventure…unless you count Baby Bowser who IS technically Bowser but not really…oh this is confusing! On with the story!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! You're mine Peach!  
Peach: …

A purple cloud shoots out of the mushroom still attached to her face. It causes Bowser and the Mario Bros. to cough. Bowser appears the least effected, so he grabs the Princess and runs out, slamming into the Bros. After a second the cloud dissipates and they run out as well.

Luigi: Am I the only one who thinks that was weird?  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: Fine.

Bowser stops at one of the bridges randomly placed in the castle.

Bowser: Uh…I don't think this will hold me…

Luigi: How exactly did he get here? He probably just walked right past the useless Toads.

Bowser turned around and saw the Mario Bros. standing behind him.

Bowser: Oh shoot…I better make a run for it-

Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: Yawn…I was asleep…what'd I miss?  
Luigi: You're a suitcase! Suitcases don't sleep!  
Stuffwell: In case you forgot I'm a special suitcase. I can do whatever I want!  
Mario: Mamamia!  
Mario grabs Stuffwell.

Stuffwell: What are you doing!

Bowser starts to run onto the bridge when Mario chucked Stuffwell at him, hitting him in the back of the head and causing him to fall off the bridge and into a conveniently placed Time Hole. He gets sucked into it…him…and the Princess. Stuffwell bounced back to the Bros.

Stuffwell: I am many things…but a projectile is not one of them!  
Luigi: I don't know…you seemed to be pretty good in that department…

Stuffwell: Eek! I escape!

He disappears again.  
Luigi: Great…Bowser lands in a Time Hole…and I assume we have to follow him?  
Mario emphatically nods his head.

Luigi: Great. Well…let's go!

The Mario Bros. jump off the bridge as well and land in the Time Hole. They are transported to a different time and place…although if it takes them to a different PLACE it can't really be called a TIME Hole…more like a Temporal Displacement Transporter…thing. Yeah. Back to the story! Mario and Luigi arrive in a mountainous region…

Luigi: Looks interesting…and kind of…green.

The entire mountain area was green, save for wooden bridges strewn about. Apparently making up the mountain was large angry green blocks, similar to Thwomps.

Luigi: Where are we?  
A Toad wandering around on the mountain dashes up to the Mario Bros.

Toad: You're on Thwomp Volcano!  
Luigi: A VOLCANO!  
Toad: Don't worry, the totally rad eruption of the volcano only occurs…today!  
Luigi: You're not comforting!  
Toad: Hey man…chill!  
Luigi: Fine. What are you doing on this mountain?  
Toad: I and my awesome friends are attempting to climb this massive mountain!  
Luigi: "Attempting"? There's stairs all over the place! It looks easy!  
Toad: Oh…it is, but see we're doing it with our EYES closed!  
Luigi: Right…did you see a big turtle thing run by here?  
Toad: Oh yeah…he jumped into the mountain!  
Luigi: Why?  
Toad: Something about putting a new fortress in or something. See you dude!

He closed his eyes and ran…right off the mountain.

Toad: So totally awesome!  
Luigi: It seems even in the past Toads are useless.

Mario: WHEE!  
Luigi: Well…I guess we must go up the mountain. Fun.

They started hiking up the mountain. They didn't get far before they found six blocks in front of them, three red, three green.  
Luigi: Why are their BLOCKS in the center of this path-

The blocks sprouted eyes and a mouth (They are Thwacks) and floated up into the air.

Luigi: Oh…I don't like this.

Suddenly the green ones dashed for Luigi and the red ones flew at Mario. Luigi ducked and they missed, impacting the ground and exploding while Mario rolled to the side. The three red ones stopped before they hit the ground and then started hopping up and down.

Luigi: What are they doing? Looks like some weird kind of dance-ACK!  
Three more Thwacks fell from above!  
Luigi: Great…more.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Two Thwacks went for Luigi while the other four attacked Mario. Baby Luigi took out his hammer and swung it at one of them. It shattered but the other hit Luigi.

Luigi: Ow…

He turned and saw Mario in combat with the other four. Mario jumped on one repeatedly causing the Thwack to break but the other three backed off. Luigi was about to help when they turned gold.

Luigi: Uh…gold?

Suddenly they exploded shooting rock chunks at both Bros. Luigi dived to the ground and they went over his head while Mario jumped over them. When the dust disappeared Luigi got up and walked over to Mario.

Luigi: Well…uh…I hope the rest of this is a wee bit easier.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: For once…enemies that fought back successfully…and they STILL kill themselves.

The Mario Bros. continue with their journey up the mountain. They came upon a Red Coconutter, similar to the ones on Yoshi's Island…but red. The creature, lacking eyeballs, continuously walked into a wall.

Luigi: How do those things survive!

They kept going, avoiding the strange thing until they saw a large gold coin with a strange symbol on it. Mario upon seeing it dashed forward to try and grab it. It quickly turned into a Thwomp and tried to squish him, but he rolled out of the way.  
Luigi: Why does that Thwomp have a tail…and why was it a coin!

True. The Thwomp does have a small raccoon-like tail. It fell back to the ground and became a Tanoomba, a goomba-crossed with a Tanooki suit. It has a leaf on its head and a raccoon tail. Very strange.

Luigi: What is that-AGH!

It turned into a spiky turtle shell and started rapidly moving for the Mario Bros. it still maintained the tail, making it look rather weird. The Bros. hoped over the creature and it changed back.  
Luigi: I don't like-

Mario: RAR!  
Mario dashed for the Tanoomba. It jumped over his wild swing and turned into a balloon. It slowly floated down.

Luigi: I think this will be one thing I'LL take care of.

He walked over and poked it. It flew around wildly before careening off the mountain.

Luigi: Who's the hero NOW Mario?  
Mario punches Luigi.

Luigi: OW! Jerk!  
After he recovered from the pain of being brutally assaulted by his own brother (It didn't take him long as it happens several times a day). They continued to the top of the mountain. At the crater entrance Luigi spotted something shiny.

Luigi: Something shiny!  
He dashed forward and picked it up.

Luigi: I believe it is…Princess Peach's tiara! She MUST be in the volcano-

Mario ran to Luigi and grabbed the tiara.

Luigi: Hey! If you want it just-

Mario ate the tiara. Baby Luigi gurgled in twisted joy while Baby Mario winced in confusion.

Luigi: You're insane.  
Mario: YAY!  
Luigi: Just so you know. Well…let's go inside the volcano-

The volcano explodes in a large flamy lava-filled explosion of doom and destruction.

Luigi: I'm getting really sick of being interrupted-

Mario: Babies!  
Mario grabs Luigi and takes him down an alternate path in order to escape from the violent volcanic explosion. After much running they reach a small building in the shape of E. Gadd's head.

Luigi: This is probably where E. Gadd worked however many years ago this is…perhaps he could help us?  
They go inside to see a much younger E. Gadd hard at work...in doodling.

Luigi: Uh…Professor?  
He jerks up guiltily then seeing as they are probably not scientists he calms down.

Elvin: Sorry…thought you were the board…come to do their weekly interrogation,

Luigi: Uh…E. Gadd…that's great and all but could you help us?  
Elvin: Oh just call me Elvin! Everybody does! Wouldn't want to be E. Gadd unless I was old-YOU ARE FROM THE FUTURE!

Luigi: Yes…um…how'd you know?  
Elvin: I didn't, just thought it would be an excellent conversation starter! So you really ARE from the future?  
Luigi: Yes.

Elvin: Okay.

Suddenly several flaming Thwomps burst in from the ceiling shattering Elvin's things. They quickly fizzle out, except for a massive one that looks like it is going to explode.

Elvin: Oh! Use that water hose in the corner to put out that Thwomp!  
Luigi: Why do you have a water hose in your laboratory?  
Elvin: Uh…scientific experiments?  
Luigi: Whatever.

He grabs the hose and using its amazing water powers extinguishes the flaming Thwomp.

Elvin: Oh…seeing you use that hose…gives me an idea!  
He walks into a corner twitching and mumbling to himself.

Luigi: What's up with him?  
After a minute they walk out of the laboratory seeing as Elvin will be of no further use, when Stuffwell popped up.

Stuffwell: I have a Time Message from E. Gadd! YAY!  
He opens up revealing a screen. E. Gadd's face appears.

E. Gadd: Hi!

Luigi: Uh…hi. What do you want?  
E. Gadd: Well, my past self, upon seeing you use that hose came up with an idea and I created a big water pumping machine thing!  
Luigi: In what…the five minutes since we did that…oh wait. Time differences and-

E. Gadd: Yep! In the five minutes since then! I hooked it up to the Time Hole and I shall use it to put out the volcano! Bye!  
His image flickers out.

Luigi: This probably violates so many rules of time and creates a bunch of Paradoxes…but whatever.

A HUMOUNGOUS blast of water shot up in full view of the Bros. and assaulted the volcano flames. Soon, the volcano was put out and the wave of water disappeared. This caused the universe to end. NO! Just kidding! Ha! Anyways the Mario Bros. walked back up to the crater. However at the entrance were two large Thwomps. A classic male one, rectangular and pointy and a female, who looked like a big round boulder with massive eyebrows.

Luigi: Uh…hello?  
Mrs. Thwomp: So YOU are the horrible people who put out the volcano that my husband and I love to jump in!  
Luigi: No we're not, the-

Mrs. Thwomp: SILENCE! I challenge you to a ferocious battle!

Luigi: I don't want to-ACK!  
She rolled at the Bros. and they rolled away. She then spat several large boulders at them. Mario grabbed Baby Mario's hammer and batted them back at her.

Mrs. Thwomp: Grrr! You are tough…but can you survive y shockwave attack!  
She jumped in the air and came crashing down, sending three shockwaves at the Bros. They easily and skillfully hopped over them.

Mrs. Thwomp: Wha? How?  
Luigi: That attack is SO old school. Don't you have anything new?  
Mrs. Thwomp: Oh yeah! Take THIS!

She split into four smaller Thwomps.

Luigi: Uh…yeah, seen that before too.

Mrs. Thwomps: JUST DIE! AAAAAGHHH!  
All four rolled for the Bros. They side-stepped and they went right off the mountain.

Luigi: Well…that solves that problem-

He sees Mr. Thwomp looking at them.

Luigi: Uh…sorry?  
Mr. Thwomp: You. You caused wife to roll off cliff.   
Luigi: Yes.

Mr. Thwomp: Thank you very much. She is…annoying. I take you inside volcano as thanks.

Luigi: That's very…kind of you.

Mr. Thwomp: Hop on.

They get on him and he takes them inside Thwomp Volcano.

Meanwhile deep inside the volcano…

Bowser trudged along in the very depths of the volcano carrying Peach, who STILL had that purple mushroom on her face. He took a step forward when suddenly Baby Bowser jumped in front of him.

Baby Bowser: Hey back off! This is my future fortress!  
Bowser: No way pipsqueak! It's MINE!  
Baby Bowser: You think you are so great just cause you're big!  
Bowser: Actually…yeah.

Baby Bowser: What's your name grampa?

Bowser: I'm Bowser you little runt!  
Baby Bowser: No way! I'm Bowser too!  
They stare at each other in shock for a bit. Maybe they'll realize that they are the past and future selves of one another and team up to destroy the Mario Bros. once and for all!  
Bowser: Name thief!  
Baby Bowser: Nuh uh! You're the name thief!

Bowser: Want to join forces to stop the Mario Bros.?

Baby Bowser: Sure.

Well…at least I was half right.

Back to the Bros…

Mr. Thwomp came down into the volcano but stopped when he hit a platform. The Bros. got off him and figured that in order to get to Bowser, they'll have to find another ride. So they start exploring through the surprisingly not hot, non-Lava-filled volcano with nice obvious pathways.

Luigi: Weird place, but then again no weirder then half of the other places we've been too-AGH!

He fell back when something invisible hit him. When he scrambled to his feet he saw a Gold Koopeleon become temporarily visible before it shot its tongue at Mario and became unseeable again. Mario dodged and jumped on the creature once. It freaked and ran away like a little girl.

Luigi: That was strange. Oh well let's keep going.

They continue their strange journey until four Thwacks jump in front of them.

Luigi: Great. More of these guys.

However they didn't charge. The Thwacks merely stacked on top of each other, with the bottom one gaining legs and the top one getting arms, until the resulting creature was twice the size of the Bros.

Luigi: Uh…this can't be good.

Suddenly flames erupted from the creature (Thwack Totem) like a rocket and it flew into the air. It came crashing down creating a shockwave which the brothers easily hopped over.

Luigi: Again with the shockwave? Can't the monsters come up with something new?  
The Thwack Totem then shot off its four segments which then flew at a rapid speed. Mario managed to avoid one but the second clipped his leg causing him to fall. Luigi was clocked in the chest by the first also causing him to fall, which made the second one miss. They reformed and started to stagger over to Mario. It appeared as if the Thwack Totem planned on falling on Mario and squishing him. It stood right over him while Luigi struggled to get up (Baby Luigi wasn't helping as he kept hitting Luigi) Mario struck out and kicked the Totem on one of its feet. It tilted wildly and then fell over, AWAY from Mario. It struggled to get up but failed. Mario and Luigi got to their feet.

Luigi: Well…that was strangely anticlimactic.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Luigi: Let's keep going-

Before they could take another step though, a Blazing Shroob ran at them from behind a wall…platform…thing. It was a red Shroob and its head was on fire! It immediately threw several fireballs at them.

Luigi: Ack! I'm getting really sick of this! OW!  
One hit him in the face causing him to fall over while Mario deflected the rest with the hammer he took. The creature screeched and a Shroob Saucer flew in. (Yes flew in. In a volcano. Don't ask.) It stuck out a long tube and sucked up some of the Blazing Shroob's fire. It then used that energy to shoot out powered up flaming rockets. The Bros. dodged and the Saucer let up on its attack.

Luigi: Great! Rocket shooting Saucers powered by a burning alien. Obviously an advanced society these Shroobs.

The Saucer stuck out the tube again and sucked with extra ferocity. However it appeared to suck to hard and the Shroob flew up and got caught in the tube. After a second in which both the Blazing Shroob and the pilot of the saucer freaked out and then they both exploded.

Luigi: Right…that was weird. Let's keep going Mario.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
And so they continued! Soon they came to a large Thwomp.

Thwomp: Hello.

Luigi: Hi…uh we need-

Thwomp: I'm an ELEVATOR!  
Luigi: Really? That's great!  
Thwomp: Hop on! I take you to…bottom of volcano!  
Luigi: Thanks!  
They hop on and start traveling down the volcano when the Thwomp abruptly stops.

Thwomp: There is block in way. Can't continue.

Luigi: How about you just move forward a couple of feet…and then go down.

Thwomp: Crazy! But…just might work!  
He does so and they continue down. Soon they reach the bottom unhindered.

Luigi: Thank-

The Thwomp shoots back up the volcano.

Luigi: You know…those Thwomps completely defy gravity.

Mario: Whee!  
Luigi: Great. Let's just find Bowser, beat him up and rescue the Princess.

They walked into the next room which was a large chamber thing. At the other end stood Peach.

Luigi: Yes! Now where is-

Bowser dropped from the ceiling and laughed. This was expected. But unexpectedly on his back was…

Luigi: Baby Bowser!  
Baby Bowser: I'm not a baby! Me and my big friend here are going to cause you severe physical harm!  
Bowser: GWA HA HA! Yeah! And we're going to beat you up too!

Luigi: Why is baby Bowser smarter then adult Bowser?  
Mario: Woohoo!

Mario jumped on Bowser's head.

Bowser: Agh! Jerk!

He shoots a blast of flame at Mario who skillfully dodges it. He then hammers Bowser.

Bowser: UNFAIR! SUPREME SHOCKWAVE STRIKE!  
Bowser jumps into the air and comes slamming down…creating yet ANOTHER clichéd shockwave attack which both Mario and Luigi dodge easily.

Luigi: I'm really getting bored of enemies doing that.

Bowser: Have you seen THIS before!  
He tossed Baby Bowser into the air. Baby Bowser spun several times before coming back down on Bowser's back, causing him to shoot two speedy fireballs at Mario and Luigi. Luigi gets hit, and quickly tries to put out the flame when Mario hits the fireball back, hitting Bowser.

Bowser: I'm starting to get tired…but now we shall use our very best attack! Shell Shot!  
He curls into his shell and Baby Bowser jumps off and pulls out a hammer.

Luigi: Where'd you get that?  
Baby Bowser: Found it in my pocket!  
Luigi: You don't HAVE pockets-AGH!

Baby Bowser smacked the shell at Luigi. Luigi dived to the right and it passed him, hitting a wall. Bowser flew back as if on a rubber band and he slammed into Baby Bowser.

Bowser: Okay…maybe we should have practiced that before saying it was our best.

Suddenly the room started to shake.

Luigi: What's that!  
The Thwomp that Bowser and Baby Bowser were standing on was embedded in the ground. However the shaking caused it to become angry and it flew up carrying both of them with it!  
Baby Bowser: AGH!  
Bowser: Don't worry! We'll survive and someday you'll be almost as handsome as I am!  
Baby Bowser: Oh I hope not! You're ugly!  
Bowser: Brat!  
He shoved baby Bowser off the Thwomp. By this time they were out of the volcano and Baby Bowser fell a long ways before crash landing on something smooth…meanwhile Bowser kept going.

Bowser: Now what? I'm kind of stuck on this-

The Thwomp explodes. Bowser plummets to the ground.

Bowser: That was unexpected!

He landed in the Time Hole and was warped away. Meanwhile the shaking continues for the Bros.

Luigi: What's going on!  
Mario: Mamamia!  
Luigi: We should get out of here!  
Suddenly the side of the volcano blew in and a vacuum like thing snaked its way inside and sucked up the Bros. and the Princess! 

What shall happen to the heroes! Why is anything happening? How can Thwomps defy gravity like that? Does it make physicists angry? Maybe one of these questions will be answered…next time! YAY questions!


	6. Chapter 6

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Six:

Star Light, Star Bright, Shiniest Star I see Tonight, Use Your Starry Powers to Lay Waste to my Enemies! And Stuff…

The Mario Bros. pop out of the vacuum like tube in a ship of some kind.

Luigi: Where are we? And where's the Princess?  
Stuffwell pops up as he often does.

Stuffwell: I believe you are on the Shroob Mother Ship!  
Luigi: Why?  
Stuffwell: Well…that sign says Shroob Mother Ship over there.

He gestures to a sign that indeed says that.

Luigi: That's great…but why is there a sign in English…if we're on a Shroob ship?  
Stuffwell: Eh…maybe it's required by law to have signs in a different language so foreigners can read them.

Luigi: Right…let's just find the Princess. I don't know how we got separated from her…we were in the same tube-

Stuffwell: The magic of alien technology!  
Luigi: How can technology be magical?  
Stuffwell: Ack! Logic! The thing I fear most! Bye!

Stuffwell disappears again.

Luigi: Well…let's get going.

Mario: Woohoo!

They begin their journey through the Mother Ship. Soon however they run into four white Shroobs with blue spots (Guardian Shroobs). Upon seeing the Bros. they instantly pull out their ray guns and begin blasting. The Bros. duck behind some machinery.

Luigi: Geez! What happened to checking ID and stuff?  
Mario looked at Baby Luigi and they nodded, almost as they communicated…Mario got right behind Luigi, and Baby Luigi jumped off and got behind Baby Mario.

Luigi: I think they let up…HEY!  
Mario grabbed Luigi and threw him at two of the Guardians. They were immediately taken out of the fight. One of the two remaining started to charge when Baby Luigi threw Baby Mario at him with impressive accuracy, also knocking him out. The remaining Guardian decided it might be a good idea to run, so he does. Luigi shakily gets up.

Luigi: Ow…while I admit it worked was it really necessary to throw me and the baby you?

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: You know my baby self acts like you, cruel, and your baby self acts like me…weird. Can I take Baby Mario-

Baby Luigi: NO!  
Baby Luigi bites Luigi's leg.  
Luigi: OW! Okay! I'll take you!

After getting the babies on their backs the Bros. head out again, following the way the Guardian went, figuring it would take them to the Princess. Eventually they reach a large chamber. As soon as they go in though the door slams shut locking them in. Another door opens up and Princess Peach walks out…STILL with the mushroom on her face.

Luigi: Great…the Princess! Let's get out of…

"Peach" pulls the Mushroom up…revealing that she wasn't Peach at all! She was really Princess Shroob!  
Princess Shroob: (Creepy alien laughter)

Luigi: What! You mean all this time…It was really Princess Shroob! Well…if I knew that I wouldn't have bothered to rescue her from Bowser then.

Mario: YA!  
Mario looked pretty angry and was about to attack Princess Shroob when eight Shroobs poured in all with their guns trained on the Bros.

Luigi: Uh…maybe we shouldn't move-

Kylie: I'm here!

Kylie comes skidding in and runs into three of the Shroobs.

Princess Shroob: &$E&!

Luigi: Uh thanks but we gotta get out of here!

The Bros. and Kylie smash past the distracted Shroobs into the next room. They then destroyed the control panel, causing the door to close.

Luigi: Well that should keep them busy for a minute. Let's get down to business. Kylie what are doing on this ship! And how'd you get here!  
Kylie: Chill! I'm here for an awesome story! Imagine the headline…Shroob Princess, travels forward in time to figure out how to capture the Mushroom Kingdom of the future!

Luigi: But if she conquers this one…then she'll eventually have the future one too…but if that was true then we wouldn't be here…and OH I HATE TIME TRAVELING!  
Kylie: You time travel?  
Luigi: You didn't know? But…the headline!  
Kylie: Oh…that. Well…I don't know WHAT I say half the time! Ha ha!

Luigi: Right…wait you didn't say how you got here…

Kylie: A reporter goes where she is needed!  
Luigi: Still didn't answer my…oh who cares.

The door starts to bubble and shake.

Luigi: Shoot! They're trying to shoot the door down! Let's go!  
They run deeper into the ship until they come to a dead end computer console thing.

Luigi: Great. We're trapped. We'll probably have to fight our way out.

Kylie: Or I could hit a bunch of buttons!  
Luigi: Or you could hit a bunch of…NO! You don't know what those DO!  
Kylie slams her palm on the Shroob keyboard. The floor opens up underneath them.

Kylie: Whoops.

They plummet through the hole and fall out through the bottom of the ship. The hatch goes back and covers up the hole just as the Princess and her escorts come rushing in.

Princess Shroob: (&((!

Apparently deciding not to chase them she has the ship turn around…looks like they're heading for Shroob Castle…suddenly there is the sound of glass breaking and Baby Bowser lands right in the middle of the Shroobs. Yes, he DID land on the Mother Ship after being pushed off the Thwomp. After a shocked second the Shroobs pull out their guns and train them on Baby Bowser.

Baby Bowser: Uh oh…what to do…what to do…Uh...I'm not here! You can't see me!  
After a second the Shroobs put away their guns, after all…no one was there.

Baby Bowser: Wow…didn't expect THAT to work. Now…to hide!  
He dashes behind some machinery and hopes that they won't like…find and blast him or something…

Meanwhile, in the ruined Toad Town…

Mario, Luigi and their baby selves landed on a purple mushroom from Toad Town of the past, so they emerged from their humongous fall unharmed. The once prosperous Toad Town has apparently been attacked by the Shroobs as all of the houses are in ruins, all the Toads are gone and purple mushrooms are growing everywhere.

Luigi: Yikes…yet another place ravaged by the Shroobs. These guys are worse than I thought…hey where's Kylie? She fell with us-

Luigi sees a flash of movement, before whatever it was ducks inside one of the slightly less ruined houses.

Luigi: Perhaps…a survivor?  
The Bros. go in the house which apparently used to be some kind of shop as at the end of it was a counter. Huddling behind the counter were two aged female Toads. Luigi and Mario walk over to the counter.

Luigi: Hello?  
At the sound of his voice they jump up so fast that Mario and Luigi take a step back. The two Toads then dash forward until they are right at the counter, by the two cash registers.

Gramma 1: Welcome to Gramma's place! Named after me…Gramma!

The second Toad seemed angry and said, a little louder…

Gramma 2: I'm Gramma! It's named after me!  
Gramma 1: No me!  
Gramma 2: Don't make me scold you!

Gramma 1: I'm the scolder! RAR!  
Luigi: Whoa! Chill…settle this later. What's going on? I mean the Shroobs obviously attacked but where is everyone?  
Gramma 2: Oh…well the Shroobs captured them. They missed us cause we hid behind the counter!  
Luigi: And they didn't find you?  
Gramma 1: Nope! Although, in order to make sure no one swooped in and took the Town back they left behind a robot thing and some other creatures.

Luigi: Great. We're looking for Cobalt Star Shards…do you know where one could be?  
Gramma 2: Oh well…there is a Star Temple…you can get there through Star Hill, and there's a warp pipe there at the other end of the Town.

Luigi: Thanks! We'll go now!  
Gramma 1: Oh wait…please…can you buy some stuff?  
Luigi: Uh…no not now.

Gramma 2: We helped you and this is how you repay us! By not giving us money!  
Luigi: Sorry but-

Gramma 1: We scold you!  
Gramma 2: Yes SCOLD! Bad, bad kitty!  
Luigi: I'm not a kitty-

Gramma 1: I am the one who scolds!  
Gramma 2: No I AM!  
Gramma 1: Gramma fight!

They charge each other and start slapping.

Luigi: Let's get out of here.

Mario runs out. Luigi lingers for a second, but also runs when they start attacking each other with the cash registers.

Luigi: I am really starting to not like the people who live in either the past or the present.

Mario: Mamamia!  
Luigi: That includes you.

Mario: OH NOOOOOO!  
Mario smacks Luigi.

Luigi: OW! Still not liking you.

The Mario Bros. start hiking through the wreckage of Toad Town. After a while they suddenly bump into a robotic Shroid, a gray creature shaped like a Shroob with yellow spots and green eyes. It immediately pulled out a green and a red flag.

Luigi: What?  
The Shroid waited for a second, as if expecting a reaction, and when it didn't get one it threw the two METAL flags at the Bros. Mario dodged it as he is cool, but Luigi wasn't expecting an attack and was knocked down. Mario rolled over and tried to attack the Shroid but it just bolted super fast away. It then raised its hand. A strange sound came from it.

Luigi: Ow…I don't like enemies.

He shakily got up when a Shroob Saucer flew overhead carrying a big spiked ball with an L on it.

Luigi: Oh this can't be good…ACK!  
He jumped away as it dropped to the ground. Mario rushed the Shroid and tried to hit it with his hammer, but it threw a strange translucent yellow crystal at him and Luigi. It expanded, trapping the Bros.

Luigi: Oh…dear…

The Shroid changed one hand into a gun and started charging it. Mario and Luigi frantically hopped to escape from their crystal prison when it shot its blast at Luigi. Fortunately the crystal absorbed most of it and he was only a little bruised. Mario still struggled to get out when the Shroid pulled a green flag out.  
Luigi: Oh no you don't! I am not getting hit again!

He jumped backwards. The Shroid nodded its head once…and then exploded. Mario burst free from the crystal.

Luigi: What'd I do? How'd that happen?  
Mario: Grr…

Luigi: What…oh you're just mad I killed something and you were trapped in the crystal!

Mario nodded.

Luigi: Well that must have been the robot the Gramma's were talking about. Let's just keep going…

They continue through the ruined Town until they are confronted yet again by enemies. Two of them in fact! A Skellokey which is a skeletal Pokey and Love Bubble which is a pink ball like creature with tiny arms and legs, as well as X's for eyes. The two creatures stand menacingly in front of the heroes.

Luigi: Could we like…not fight?

Before anyone else could move the Love Bubble suddenly ran into the Skellokey and started shooting off love vibes.

Skellokey?!

Love Bubble: So full of hate you Skellokey…I love you!

Eventually the Skellokey can't take anymore and explodes. The Love Bubble smiles and flies off skipping (Yes, fly-skipping. Don't ask how that's possible as I have no clue but the Love Bubble still does it.)  
Luigi: Well…that was kind of nice after the Shroid…but also kind of creepy. Let's just get to Star Hill and get out of here!

It doesn't take them much longer to reach a warp pipe. They hop in and it takes them too…Star Hill! Star Hill was a large hill covered with Shiny Star Rocks. It had a twisty path leading to the top and according to the Grammas at the top would be a path to the Star Temple, which could contain at least one Star Shard. The Bros. started hiking up the magical shiny star land thing…at least until a Shy Guy with a propeller on its head (A Fly Guy) flew overhead and started dropping bombs. The Mario Bros. quickly dodged two of them. One exploded, while the other didn't.

Luigi: Why can't things just be all nice and kind and stuff!

The Fly Guy dropped two more bombs that were shaped like balls with some spikes on them. Most had numbers on them, and they didn't explode all the number ticked down. Luigi picked up one that had a one on it, preparing to throw it at the Fly Guy, when Baby Luigi pulled on his hair as babies do.  
Luigi: OW! Stop!

He let go of the bomb and it hit the ground. The timer went to zero…and then exploded. Both Luigi's were sent flying but adult Luigi absorbed most of the blast so Baby Luigi was unharmed. Mario grabbed a bomb that had a two and threw it, but the Fly Guy bounced it back, causing it to be a one. Mario jumped back as it exploded right where he was.

Luigi: We'll have to get one he can't bounce back…

The Fly Guy threw a two down; Luigi caught it making it a one.

Luigi: Bounce this back!

Luigi threw it up and…the Fly Guy flew to the side of it. It flew up unhindered…then came plummeting back straight down.

Luigi: Oh…dear…

He rolled to the side as it boomed at his feet. The Fly Guy seemed overcome with silent giggles…until Mario hit him with a one. It exploded and the Fly Guy was sent flying.

Luigi: Wow…uh thanks. Let's keep going!  
Luigi starts walking, but Mario stays put. He looks at Luigi expectantly. Luigi turns around.

Luigi: What? Oh…fine. Yes you are a great hero and just being trapped in that crystal while I killed something doesn't make me any cooler. Are you happy now? Can we keep going?  
Mario smiles and together they head up the hill. As they near the top Luigi sees a puddle of blackness.

Luigi: Well…that's weird.

Suddenly a cardboard sign with a picture of a Goomba on it emerged.

Luigi: Eh?

The Goomba sign was then flung at the Bros. Luigi caught it, and looked at it confusion.

Luigi: What is this?  
Suddenly a black hand (Handfake) emerged. It pulled out a Koopa Paratroopa sign which it rolled at them. Mario caught it.

Luigi: Is this like…a puppet show?  
The Handfake then pulled out a Bob-omb sign.

Luigi: Now what?  
The Handfake tossed the sign at Luigi, who stuck out the Goomba sign, hoping to have it land on that. As soon as contact was made the Bob-omb sign exploded, destroying both signs.

Luigi: Uh…oh.

The Handfake then took out a BIG Bowser sign. It gestured and Mario prepared for it to be thrown. What he didn't prepare for was a Boo to fly overhead holding a cardboard flame. It flung the flame at Mario. Mario batted it with the Koopa sign, causing the Koopa to crumble and the flame hit the Bowser sign, causing it to crumble. The Handfake, incredibly upset that all of its lovingly handcrafted signs were destroyed ran away.  
Luigi: Is it just me…or are enemies getting weirder?

Mario: WHEE!  
Luigi: Yet another non-coherent response from my brother. Move on.

They keep going and are just about to reach the top when they see a slightly larger than normal red Shroob with yellow spots and a large black mustache (Commander Shroob). He's apparently talking to a bunch of purple Shroobs with white spots (Support Shroobs).

Luigi: Shoot…they're probably trying to reach the Star Temple as well...

At the sound of his voice the Commander Shroob spun around.

Commander Shroob: &((&#&(&!  
Luigi: Uh…hi…can we pass?  
The Commander Shroob sent three Support Shroobs forward carrying an enormous purple Shroob-omb with red eyes.

Luigi: I guess not.

The Support Shroobs threw the Shroob-omb at Mario, who somehow hammered it back even though the creature was easily five times his size. The Support Shroobs freaked when they saw it coming for them and bolted. The Shroob-omb hit Commander Shroob and exploded on him, causing him major pain. The Commander then started grabbing Support Shroobs and throwing them at the Bros.  
Luigi: What kind of crazy tactic is that? Oh wait…it's the one we used on the Mother Ship-AGH!  
He rolled away from the falling aliens. Mario effortlessly batted them away with the hammer while Luigi full of effort rolled and ran. Eventually, not looking where he was going he ran into the Commander Shroob. They both fell down.  
Luigi: Ow. Hey what the?  
The Commander Shroob was crying. Apparently the big bad Luigi beat him up. The Support Shroobs grabbed him and gave Luigi a glare before running away.

Luigi: I'm sorry?  
Mario walked over to Luigi. Luigi hopped to his feet.

Luigi: Well…I guess we can go to the Star Temple now…so let's go!

The Bros. ascend the last bit of the way and reach…the top of Star Hill. The top of the hill was a large horizontal Star Rock. Sticking out of three of the points is tall Star Pillars. The four hero people go to the center of the Rock.

Luigi: We're here and it's all pretty and starry…but there is no Shard here-

The three Cobalt Star Shards they have collected suddenly app-eared and flew up.  
Luigi: What?  
They glowed with all kinds of pretty light show glowy things and a transparent star person, with eyes and a mouth and a big floppy pink ribbon appeared.

Luigi: What is that?  
Star Sprite: I am a Star Sprite. I am the spirit of the Star and you must collect two more Shards in order to get into Shroob castle-

Luigi: Yeah…well we figured we'd need more.

Star Sprite: My sist-I mean Princess Shroob is very powerful so-

Luigi: Shut up.

Star Sprite: FINE HUMAN! I was going to tell you to take that shiny path over there…but now I don't like you so I won't!

The Sprite disappears and Mario grabs the Shards again.

Luigi: But you did tell us…oh forget it. Even mystical spirits are brainless. Let's go!

The Mario Bros. find a shiny pathway to the right of the entrance and they go across it. Eventually it takes them to a warp pipe.

Luigi: I'm guessing that leads to the Star Temple…so…let's go!

They jump into the Warp Pipe. It takes them to a yellow rock thing, seemingly floating in space or something while connected to other rock islands through long shiny translucent paths.

Luigi: Weird. Anyways I hope this is the place with the Shards!

They walk a bit through the strange shiny pathways until a large yellow Star thing is blocking the way forward. It almost seems to be a gateway. Mario and Luigi walk up to it…and it grows a face!  
Star Gate: Why have you come?  
Luigi: ACK! Talking star gate thing!  
Star Gate: What is your business here?  
Luigi: Well…uh…we want to go the Star Temple…are we there?  
Star Gate: Of course not! If you want to go there you must go by me!  
Luigi: Oh…uh…can you like attack us or something?  
Star Gate: Not physically no…but I can really hurt your feelings!

Luigi: Great. So…can we pass?  
Star Gate: Not until I measure your worth by determining what your hearts are like. COME FORTH!

He calls both Mario and Luigi forward. They walk up to the Star Gate.

Star Gate: Hmmm…using my mystical sensing powers I determine both your hearts are quite similar!  
Luigi: What! How can Mario and I be alike?  
Star Gate: Well…both of your hearts are squishy and seem to be doing a fine job of letting blood flow through your body.

Mario and Luigi stare speechlessly at the Star Gate.

Star Gate: What? Is it something I said?

Luigi: I think you're supposed to see our character, not our actual physical hearts!  
Star Gate: Oh…heh…it's been a while since I've done this…let me try that then.

The Star Gate closes its eye and makes various hums and haws until after 34.673 seconds it opens its eyes.

Star Gate: Okay…the babies can pass because they are small and I don't want them to cry and the red one can pass…but you…greenie can not pass!  
Luigi: What! Why?

Star Gate: Well the red one, Mario is violent and petty, a heroic mix! While you…Luigi is cautious and intelligent! Obviously bad news!  
Luigi: Okay…your logic is seriously flawed-

Star Gate: NO! Not the L word!  
Luigi: What? Logic?  
Star Gate: AGH! It burns! It burns! Fine…if you complete one task…and stop saying that word I'll let you pass.

Luigi: What task?  
Star Gate: Defeat…these enemies!  
Two dark red blocks and a light blue block thing with faces appear (Wonder Thwacks) and a large spherical mass of what appears to be mini warp pipes (Piranha Planet).

Luigi: Fighting! AGH!

He ducked as the blue Wonder Thwack flung itself at him. The red ones flew at Mario. He batted them away with the hammer. They fell back. The floating mass of micro warp pipes didn't do anything.  
Luigi: What is that!  
Suddenly a Piranha Plant with a astronaut style helmet globe thing on its head popped out of one of the pipes.

Luigi: Okay…not only is that really strange…but there's no way its head could fit through those little pipes.

It stuck a vine through another pipe. The vine was holding a ray gun!

Luigi: Great…now even plants are equipped with high tech weaponry.

It shot off several blasts. But being a plant lacking eyes its aim was poor and instead it destroyed the Wonder Thwacks. Mario then dashed up and hit the bizarre thing with his hammer. It exploded in a ridiculously large explosion that somehow caused no damage to the surrounding area.

Star Gate: Uh…you can pass!  
He disappears allowing the Mario Bros. access to ANOTHER warp pipe.

Luigi: This is getting kind of boring. All these warp pipes. Oh…well…if it's the ONLY way to travel… excluding being ejected from alien spaceships and being caught in unrealistically large yet not pain causing explosions.  
The Bros. hop into the pipe. It takes them to another set of floating islands connected by sparkly pathways. However these were in the shape of a star. In the center of the star was another small island with a warp pipe on it.

Luigi: ANOTHER WARP PIPE! That's like…four in a row! I bet we have to solve a series of complicated puzzles to reach it-AGH!

Mario grabs Luigi and throws him across the gap. Mario then jumps over. The babies remain unharmed.

Luigi: Well…I guess that works too…but you could have let me jump! I mean…that was just mean.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Luigi: You don't have to sound so excited about it.

The Mario Bros. enter the (hopefully) final warp pipe and are taken to the Star Temple…for real this time! It took them to a large shiny temple like place. They wandered for a bit until they saw a Cobalt Star Shard lying on the ground.

Luigi: Well…that was frighteningly easy.

Mario grabs it and puts it with the other three…now they have four! Toadbert and Kylie suddenly run in from another room.

Toadbert: I regained my memory!  
Kylie: Hi guys!  
Luigi: What? How did you guys get here!  
Toadbert: Plot Device.

Kylie: I'm a journalist!  
Luigi: Right…So Toadbert…you remember what happened?  
Toadbert: Yes…and I have…a Cobalt Star Shard!

He pulls out the fifth and final piece that they need.

Luigi: Where'd that come from!  
Toadbert: My pocket.

Luigi: Well give it!  
Toadbert: NO! It's shiny! I want it! It makes me feel…like I'm holding something shiny!  
Luigi: But we need it! Give it here!  
Toadbert: I escape!  
Toadbert dashes away.

Kylie: Cool! A story!

She follows him.

Luigi: Well…that was pointless. Let's get him!  
Mario and Luigi chase after Toadbert. He is far ahead of them and they despair of ever catching up…until they hear the scream.

Toadbert: No! Give it back!  
Kylie: Ack! It's so red!

Luigi: Sounds like they ran into something!

The Bros. go into the next room. They see Kylie and Toadbert huddling on the ground. A red creature similar to the Junior Shrooboid they battled in the beginning of this adventure, only it had red spikes on its head (Elder Shrooboid). The creature was making strange noises at them while it held the Shard.

Kylie: What a story this'll be!  
Toadbert: NO! It is shiny so it must be important! GIVE IT BACK!  
Toadbert tried to attack the creature but the Elder Shrooboid somehow summoned lightning bolts which blasted the weakened Toadbert and Kylie, turning them into purple mushrooms!  
Luigi: That can't be good!  
Mario: Hi-YAAA!  
Mario jumped at the Elder Shrooboid from behind, causing it to stumble. It quickly regained its balance and spun around, and shot several fireballs at Mario. He jumped over them and they harmlessly impacted the wall.

Luigi: I'm guessing I should probably help…

Baby Luigi: YEAH!

Luigi: Well…at least you can some words right-OW!  
Baby Luigi hits Luigi with his hammer.

Luigi: I'm going!  
Luigi runs over and punches the red creature. It absorbs the blow without reacting and pulls out a large metal ball on a chain.

Luigi: Oh…dear.

The Elder Shrooboid then tosses two yellow crystal things, similar to the ones the Shroid used. Mario and Luigi roll to the side and they miss. This causes the Elder Shrooboid to become quite upset and it throws its ball at Mario. Mario smacks it with his hammer and it goes flying back hitting the creature. The Elder Shrooboid seems to be unsteady and about to fall over…

Luigi: I think we won-

The creature seemed to regain its balance…and it grew…soon it towered over the Bros.

Luigi: Not good!  
The Elder Shrooboid opened its mouth and…a Shroob Saucer flew out.

Luigi: Huh?  
The saucer flew over the Bros., just out of reach and extended out a timer on a screen. It said four.

Luigi: I have a feeling something bad will happen when it reaches zero…and how did that fit in that thing! That defies so many laws of physics and just plain defies nature!  
The timer went to three.

Luigi: Shoot.

The Elder Shrooboid created more, larger fireballs and tossed them at the Bros. They dodged and rolled but the Saucer stayed over them. The Timer went to two. The Elder Shrooboid then summoned a BIG spiked ball and threw it. Mario hit it with the hammer, and at first it appeared as if it would keep on going and crush him…until it rocketed back and hit the Elder Shrooboid. It fell over and the timer went to one.

Luigi: Now! Let's jump on it while it can't defend itself!

Both Bros. run over and jump on the Elder Shrooboid while it is on the ground. It moans and groans but is unable to retaliate. The saucer stays over the Bros. The timer went to zero…and it charged up a massive laser blast. Luigi ferociously jumped on the alien unaware of his impending doom.  
Luigi: Throw fireballs at me will you! You big bad alien thing! I just want this "adventure" to end! AGH!  
Mario: OH NOOOO!  
Mario saw the saucer about to blast them and he grabbed his brother and threw him off the alien. He then jumped off. The saucer then released its blast…utterly annihilating the Elder Shrooboid. The saucer driver, realizing his horrible mistake explodes in penance. After the smoke clears the Cobalt Star Shard shines, completely unharmed.

Luigi: Thanks Mario…hey the Shard's okay! What are those things made of!

Mario grabs the fifth piece almost completing the star except for a central piece.

Luigi: Well…I think that is enough to get inside the Shroob castle…so let's go!  
They go into a nearby room and find a conveniently placed Time Hole which they jump in…the final battle shall begin soon!


	7. Chapter 7

Mario and Luigi Partners in Paradoxes Chapter Seven: The Big Exciting Clashy Battle thing…of DOOM!

The Mario Bros. again arrived in Peach's Castle. Strange how although the Time Holes led to strange places all over the Mushroom Kingdom's past that they all lead to the same area in the present…weird. Anyways they arrive in the castle and head over to E. Gadd who is playing an anatomy game with his hi-tech equipment.

E. Gadd: And then the toes are…here?  
Computer: Incorrect. Toes are here.

E. Gadd: Oh! At the end of the foot! Who would have thunk it! I always thought they were that big round thing on my face!  
Computer: That is your nose.  
E. Gadd: Oh…

Luigi: E. Gadd!  
E. Gadd: ACK! What do you want! I'm very busy!

Luigi: While I hate to interrupt your…"educational" game time I have to tell you that we collected enough Shards to get into Shroob Castle. Do you know where the Time Hole for that is?  
E. Gadd: It's not a game! It is important scientific work! But…the Time Hole is probably the one on the third floor…it is the only one you haven't been to yet. Now leave! I have some fingers to find!

Computer: Those are legs.

Luigi: We'll be going now…

The Mario Bros. run up to the third and top floor of Peach's Castle. They soon find the Time Hole, in the center of the room and easy to reach. They jump in and are transported as usual. However…this time they are taken to…the FINAL BATTLE…place, thing. They arrive in front of the Shroob Castle gates. There is a mystical alien force field in front of it blocking entry. The castle looks similar to Peach's castle but has large purple mushroom towers jutting up all over it, it is purple and Princess Shroob statues are all over the place. The Cobalt Star emerges and using its powerful startastic magic it vaporizes the force field. The star then disappears.

Luigi: Well…I guess that means we can go in…

Mario: Woohoo!  
Baby Mario: Meh…

Baby Luigi: Ay!

The four Bros. enter…Princess Shroob's Castle…The inside is similar to the outside, purple and mushroomy. They walked a bit trying to figure out what to do when a purple creature that looked like a Tanoomba appeared (a Tashrooba). A few feet away was a large metal ball thing (A Snoozorb).

Luigi: Okay…what do we do about these guys?

The Tashrooba turned into a spiked shell and spun at the Bros.

Luigi: I wonder if this would work?  
When it got near to Luigi he kicked it in the side, where there were no spikes. The thing went flying and collided into the Snoozorb. Three yellow curved planks extended through the sides acting as arms and legs and a head popped out through a small retractable hole. The Snoozorb took one look at the Tashrooba…then vaporized it with a laser blast. The Snoozorb then went back to sleep.

Luigi: Uh…that's mine! I beat it!  
Mario: Oh NOOOOOO!  
Luigi: Fine. The ball-creature beat it. Jerk. So technical.

The Mario Bros. continued through the Shroobdacious castle. They came to an open path on the second floor. Luigi was about to walk on it when several Shroob Saucers floating overhead blasted at him. The shockwave hit him and carried him back to Mario. Baby Luigi smacked him with his hammer.

Luigi: OW! I'm SORRY okay?  
Baby Luigi: NO!

Luigi: Fine. We'll have to go around that path then…

The Bros. soon came to a large staircase that took them to a strange room with various buttons and control thingies.

Luigi: Well…I have no idea what any of these are or do…but it probably has some importance involving our advancement through the castle.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Mario smashed the keyboard with his hand hitting many of the unintelligible symbols.

Luigi: ACK! Do you have any clue what you just did!  
Mario: Oh NOOOOOOO!

Luigi: Very encouraging.

The room they were in (which was actually the top of a large statue of Princess Shroob) suddenly started to shudder and shake as various rockets underneath the room fired, carrying the top part of the statue into the air. This is very illogical and for a unknown purpose, after all who needs part of a statue to fly? Entire statues can be very useful what with the transportation ease that would cause…but part? How strange.

Luigi: W-w-what's going o-on?

Baby Luigi: YAY!

Baby Luigi jumped off of Luigi as soon as the statue settled and slammed the control panel with his hammer. This caused the statue head…thing…to fly off erratically and crash into the Shroob Saucers sending them flying to who knows where. Then the statue part conveniently lands right on the open path where Luigi got shot at. Baby Luigi hops back onto Luigi and the Bros. go outside.

Luigi: Wow…I have no clue how we got here…but it IS convenient so I'll accept it without question.

Mario: YAY!  
And so the Mario Bros. continue their journey through the castle. Soon they came to a warp pipe that said "To Princess Shroob's Lair". Don't ask why it is in English.

Luigi: Why is that sign in English?  
Told him not to ask. Before the Bros. could go in it, a yellow creature similar to the Love Bubble (It is a Soul Bubble) and a large purple dinosaur (Shroob Rex) Jump out and make threatening noises.

Shroob Rex: I threaten you!  
Luigi: Uh…right…

Soul Bubble: Give me your SOUL!  
The Soul Bubble turns and faces the Shroob Rex. A pale white strand starts flowing from the Shroob Rex to the Soul Bubble.

Shroob Rex: What! NO! STOP!  
Soul Bubble: HA HA HA HA HA! SOULS! SOULS!  
The white strand fades as the Soul Bubble finishes its evil work. The Shroob Rex cries and runs off.

Soul Bubble: Thank you!  
The Soul Bubble starts fly-skipping away while occasionally shouting "SOULS!" Soon it is out if view.

Luigi: That was creepy.  
Mario: Okeydokey!

The Mario Bros. go into the pipe. They started to go up the pipe…until suddenly they stopped.

Luigi: That's weird…usually we're just teleported there, we don't actually travel through a pipe…and why did we stop.

There was a large sign blocking their path. It said "Pipe closed for maintenance…Purple mushrooms blocking travel. Please hit button for detour." There was a small red button near the sign. Mario slammed it. An alternate path opened on the side. The Bros. went inside it…but the path didn't go up…it went DOWN!  
Luigi: AAAAAHHHHH!  
Baby Mario: EEEEEEEEE!  
Mario: WHEEEEEEEE!  
Baby Luigi: OOHOO!  
They landed rather hard in the basement of the castle. While the fall should have at least caused them some back pain, all it did was make Luigi very frightened.

Luigi: My whole life flashed before my lives…and it stunk.

Mario hoped to his feet as did Baby Luigi. Baby Mario seemed a bit more frightened but eventually got up. Luigi staggered to his feet.

Luigi: I guess we keep going, although this is really inconvenient.

The babies get back on the Bros. The basement had a similar atmosphere as the rest of the castle did…but a bit more wet. They walked out of the small room into the big basement area. Before they could continue though a flashing red Lethal Bob-omb and a gray Shy Guy-like ghost Ghoul Guy popped up from behind a corner.

Luigi: I'm getting really sick of all these enemies!

The Lethal Bob-omb then exploded taking out the Ghoul Guy.

Luigi: Although if they all did that I guess I could get used to enemies.

The Mario Bros. walked into a strange large room covered with piping and a green platform. Surrounding it was water except for the tiny stretch of path they were on and another one on the other side, covered with spikes. On the other side of the spikes was a warp pipe. A floating block was in the middle of the almost island.

Luigi: I'm guessing we have to get to that warp pipe…and we probably have to hit that block so…

Mario dashed forward to hit the block but a Chomp flew out of the water and ate it. The Chomp then dived into on of five big pipes dangling from the ceiling.

Luigi: You've got be kidding me. We have to get that block back from the Chomp!

Mario: Woohoo!  
Mario grabbed Baby Mario and put him on the ground. Mario then grabbed Luigi and dashed away.

Luigi: What are you doing!  
Baby Mario: (Confused squeak)  
Chomp: (Teeth gnashing)  
The Chomp dived out of one of the pipes and landed silently behind Baby Mario. It slowly creeped up on him as Baby Mario looked at Mario and Luigi.

Luigi: Oh…I get it…Baby Mario is bait…and right before the Chomp eats him you're going to do something to get the block back?  
Mario: Oh NOOOOO!  
Luigi: What do you mean?  
Mario made chomping motions.

Luigi: After he gets eaten?  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: You're twisted!  
Baby Mario heard something behind him and turned around. He saw the Chomp two inches away and about to devour him.

Baby Mario: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
The high-pitched sound caused the Chomp to writhe in pain…before exploding. The block the black round thing ate floated up.

Luigi: Well…that was convenient.

For once Mario was speechless. He quickly got over it and ran over to Baby Mario and the block. He roughly shoved Baby Mario onto his back and hit the block, expecting the spikes blocking the warp pipe to retract. However the warp pipe disappeared.

Luigi: ACK! What'd you DO!  
Luigi ran over to Mario. Right when he got there the warp pipe reappeared underneath the Bros.

Luigi: NOT AGAIN!  
Mario: Woohoo!  
Baby Mario: EEEEEEE!  
Baby Luigi: Oohoo!  
They popped up outside a door that said "Room where Princess Peach is held captive."

Luigi: YAY! We're almost done!

Before they could enter the door though two purple creatures fell from the ceiling and landed in front of them. One was a Shroob with a busy purple mustache and a cane (Shroobsworth) while the other just looked like a regular Shroob (Intern Shroob)  
Shroobsworth: I say…you can not see the Princess!

Intern Shroob: Hear hear!  
The Intern Shroob pulled out a pen and paper and started scribbling.

Intern Shroob: I double as a secretary!  
Luigi: What? Why do you look like Toadsworth if he was Shroobified and why do you speak English!  
Shroobsworth: Uh…EAT CANE!  
Shroobsworth dashed forward and tried to hit Mario with his cane. Mario grabbed it and snapped it on his knee.

Shroobsworth: You broke my cane! You big Meanie! I mean…uh…that was very disrespectful!  
Intern Shroob: I'm taking notes!  
Shroobsworth: Shut up.

Intern Shroob: Yes sir!  
Luigi: This is insane.

Shroobsworth: So you…have defeated my staff…

Luigi: It was a cane.

Shroobsworth: Shut UP! You may have defeated it…but can you survive-

Intern Shroob: I love you!  
Shroobsworth: AHHH! INTERN THROW!  
Intern Shroob: Whee!  
The Shroobsworth threw the Intern Shroob at Luigi. Luigi easily side-stepped and the creature hit the wall behind him and exploded.

Shroobsworth: Uh…METEOR STRIKE!  
He raised his arms and a large purple meteor fell from the ceiling…somehow…and squished him.

Luigi: Well…that was anticlimactic.

Mario: Woohoo!  
The Mario Bros. entered the door…and found a massive chamber. There were stairs on the left side. It was strange as the right side of the room looked similar to the left, only no stairs…or doors…or anything…but it looked like SOMETHING was supposed to be there. And in the center of the room was a large energy field, shaped like a round cylinder…and inside the hi-tech cage was…

Luigi: Princess Peach!

Princess Peach: …

Her mouth was moving rapidly but somehow the energy field was preventing her from being heard.

Luigi: Strange…if this is Princess Shroob's Lair…then where is Princess Shroob-

The entire room they were in shuddered.

Luigi: What was that!  
Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: I believe Princess Shroob is attacking the outside of this room in her Mother Ship!

Luigi: How did you know…oh forget it. What can we do to stop her!  
Stuffwell: If you head up those stairs on the left side of this room it may take you to a spare ship which you can use to shoot down the Mother Ship!  
Luigi: What kind of equipment are you…equipped with?  
Stuffwell: The ability to read.

Luigi: What?

He turned and looked at the stairs. On the side it had a sign saying "Go up to find spare Saucer."

Luigi: Oh.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Mario dashed up the stairs and Luigi was right behind him. Soon they reached a control room similar to the one they used before to attack the other saucers. A large screen was above the controls this time and they could see the Shroob Mother Ship, surrounded by Shroob Saucers as it continuously shot down purple waves.

Luigi: This is going to be tough…HEY!  
Mario hit several different keys. The spare ship they were in didn't rise but it did shoot off several energy blasts. These hit the surrounding Saucers…and they all crashed into the Mother Ship.

Luigi: Uh…wow…

The ship stopped firing temporarily…but when it started it was shooting at the spare ship!  
Luigi: ACK! Do something!  
Baby Mario: Eee!  
Baby Luigi: Oohoo!  
Baby Luigi jumped down and slammed his hammer on the control panel. The ship they were on started to sputter as its propulsion systems fired off.

Luigi: I think we should get off!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
The Mario Bros. jump back onto the stairs as the ship they were in flew off…and crashed into the already weakened Mother Ship. It spiraled out of control and slammed into the side of the castle. When the Mario Bros. got to the bottom of the stairs they could see that half of the Mother Ship was inside…it had smashed through the right-hand wall…hey I knew something would go there! Anyways the crash short circuited the energy field and Princess Peach was freed.

Princess Peach: Yay! Mario rescued me!  
Luigi: Hey! I helped!  
Princess Peach: You shut up.

Luigi: Jerk…well…no purple mushroom attached to you, so I guess you're the real deal.

Princess Peach: Uh…okay.

Luigi: Yeah, it is a long story. We got five of the six pieces of the Cobalt Star…so-

Princess Peach: NOOOOOOOOOO!  
Luigi: What?  
Princess Peach: Rather than telling you why that's bad I'll just moan and then wait for something distracting to happen!  
Luigi: What!  
Princess Peach: MOAN!  
A ramp extended from the Mother Ship.

Luigi: I have a bad feeling about-AGH!  
Mario dragged Luigi over to the ramp. They peered inside…  
Princess Shroob: ($&!  
Luigi: ACK!  
Mario and Luigi jumped back as Princess Shroob flew out on some kind of hi-tech throne chair…thing. She made angry gestures and said things in that unintelligible languages Shroobs use. Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: Uh hem! Allow me to translate…She is saying that she doesn't like you four in the least and that she will cause you extreme discomfort and possibly pain before annihilating you from the face of this planet and multiple other ones.

Luigi: Uh…right.

Princess Shroob: &!  
Stuffwell: She also says I am incredibly attractive…for a suitcase.

Princess Shroob glares at Stuffwell before shooting a purple energy blast at him from her hand.

Stuffwell: ACK! I escape!  
Stuffwell disappears. A shimmering red force field forms around Princess Shroob's throne.

Luigi: I guess we have fight. Sigh…I just want all these adventures to be OVER!

Princess Shroob gave one last resounding creepy alien cackle…and then she attacked! Two ray guns extended down and fired before the Bros. could do anything…however they were pointing the wrong way and completely missed.

Luigi: That's Shroob technology for you.

Princess Shroob said the Shroob equivalent of "Shut up!" which is something involving one's hamster and a jar of Chocolate mustard. Don't ask. She then hit a switch and her floating throne developed four large metallic spider-like legs which carried it high into the air. It stomped over to the Bros. and tried to skewer them with its legs. Luigi and Mario rolled away, and then Mario threw Baby Mario at the Princess. The Force Field prevented the attack from causing any damage…but it did turn a darker red and become slightly less transparent. In anger the Shroob princess fired off several circular beams, one of which hit the ground around Luigi and shrunk in on itself causing him to trip.

Luigi: That's it? Tripping beams?  
Mario slammed a leg with his hammer, causing the unwieldy Throne-Walker to come crashing down. The Force Field prevented any damage to the Princess but it DID become even darker. The throne started floating again. Princess Shroob then tried to ram Mario, but he jumped over the predictable attack and came slamming down on the top of the field. Now completely red it was impossible to see into…or out of. Unable to see the Princess crashed into a wall shattering the field. Her throne now useless she jumped out of it.

Luigi: Do you surrender?  
Stuffwell pops up again.

Stuffwell: No she doesn't!  
Luigi: I thought you were escaping?  
Stuffwell: I decided to unescape!

Luigi: Right.

Stuffwell: Princess Shroob has 3000 Health Points!

Luigi: What?  
Stuffwell: It'll take a lot of attacks to bring her down!  
Luigi: What do you mean "Health Points"?  
Princess Shroob suddenly shot off a large quantity of purple energy blasts. Luigi dodged while Mario batted the ones aimed at him back. Princess Shroob became quite upset and summoned a purple star. She flung it and it orbited the Bros. getting faster and faster…but not doing anything.

Luigi: What was the point of this attack?  
Suddenly the star slammed into the ground…and disappeared. Princess Shroob now seemed slightly furious.

Luigi: You know I think she is getting desperate.

Princess Shroob suddenly teleported above Luigi and shot a purple ball at him. He was hit but as it was a weak attack he was cool. Well…maybe not cool…but okay. Princess Shroob then teleported again…but misjudged and teleported halfway into the floor.

Luigi: Wow…that's really embarrassing.

Princess Shroob ferociously growled and tried to shoot energy wave but her hands were stuck in the floor. Mario walked over to her and hit her in the head with his hammer. She popped out of the floor, defying multiple laws of physics and appeared to be unconscious.

Luigi: Yet another anticlimactic battle…

Princess Peach ran over to the victorious Mario.  
Princess Peach: Yay! You won! Now we must make sure not to refuse the Cobalt Star using this!  
She pulled out the final middle piece of the Cobalt Star. It was a bluish white and star shaped.  
Luigi: If you don't want us to use it…why did you just take it out?  
Princess Peach: Mario is better looking then you!  
Luigi: That doesn't answer my…HEY!  
Suddenly Baby Bowser jumped out of the Mother Ship.

Baby Bowser: Gwa ha ha! I shall combine the pieces of the Star!  
Luigi: Where'd you come from?  
Baby Bowser: The Mother Ship…DUH! Didn't you see me jump out of there?  
Luigi: But how'd you sneak on!  
Baby Bowser: They fell for this "I'm not here…you can't see me!"

Luigi: You're kidding.

Baby Bowser: Nope! Isn't that-HEY!

He rolled just as Mario tried to jump on him.

Baby Bowser: Jerk! At least let me finish monologing! Fine! I shall combine the Cobalt Star!

During all this the mostly formed Cobalt Star appeared and was floating around. Baby Bowser jumped forward and snatched the piece, which he then threw at the star causing it to be enveloped in light!

Luigi: And why…exactly did you do that!  
Baby Bowser: Plot Device!

Luigi: Of course.

Baby Bowser: Gwa ha-AAAAHHHHH!  
The shining Cobalt Star blasted Baby Bowser with a lightning bolt…turning him into a purple mushroom!  
Luigi: Huh?  
Princess Peach: Oh nooo!

Princess Shroob awakened temporarily and crawled over to the Bros.

Princess Shroob: &&))…

Stuffwell: She says…I leave it to you…female sibling who is related to my parents and thus is perhaps related to me…ACK!

After blasting Stuffwell with an energy blast she exploded into pretty pink dust.

Princess Peach: What did he say?  
Luigi: I think he said that she said that the Star is her sister.

Princess Peach: Oh. I could have told you that.

Luigi: WHAT!  
Princess Peach: Yes! When I time traveled here, there were TWO Shroob Princesses! I managed to trap the ugly one in the Cobalt Star and send its shards all over the place, but the second one tricked me by pretending to give me a new dress and I was captured!  
Luigi: Wow…that is highly insane AND unlikely.

Princess Peach: Well too bad! It still happened!

The star finished glowing and suddenly turned into a massive oversized Shroob in princess garb. However this one towered over the Bros.   
Elder Princess Shroob: You killed my annoying weak sister who bugged me continuously and was a girly-girl who I hated with every fiber of my very being…and for that YOU MUST DIE!  
Luigi: How come you can speak English?  
Elder Princess Shroob: Uh…that's not important! FIGHT ME!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Princess Peach: I'm going to go behind this convenient chair that wasn't there before and occasionally throw stars that somehow appear in my hand at the Elder Princess Shroob in order to cause some minor assistance to your obviously humongously overly dramatic final battle.

Luigi: Uh…okay…

Princess Peach dashed behind a large chair that just appeared.  
Elder Princess Shroob: Uh…are we gonna fight or just repeatedly defy logic?  
Luigi: Your one to talk, you were recently inside a mystical star!

Elder Princess Shroob: SILENCE! Shroob Saucers…COME FORTH!

She raised her hands and several Shroob Saucers fell from the ceiling.

Luigi: You know I'm getting really sick of things falling from the ceiling…

Elder Princess Shroob: Ha! You won't be able to survive this…my attacks are numerous! Without the Saucers all I can do is drink healing fluids and shoulder ram people but WITH them! Well…let's just say it is UNBELIEVABLE! EEEEEEGAHIAHFHBUB!  
Luigi: What was that!  
Elder Princess Shroob: Uh…my laugh.

Princess Peach: Ha!  
Princess Peach threw an orange star that somehow appeared in her hand. It flew up and smashed all the Saucers as they were all in a straight line. Peach gets an extra life! I mean…yeah…

Elder Princess Shroob: No! My Saucers!

Luigi: Does this mean we win?

Mario: Woohoo!  
Elder Princess Shroob: No…it just means I'll have to unleash my FINAL FORM a little bit earlier than expected. Shroob Crown Magic/technology…ACTIVATE!

Using her large claw like hands she grabbed both sides of the crown she was wearing. It gave off a brilliant burst of light which temporarily blinded the four Brothers. When their vision returned they were confronted with a monstrosity. Elder Princess Shroob had become some kind of evil monster creature! She was now even bigger and was at least twice her height previously. However she also seemed to have become quite thicker and her legs have been replaced by numerous tentacles. Four similar tentacles stuck out where her arms would have been.

Mario: Mamamia!  
Luigi: You said it!  
Elder Princess Shroob: HA! My Supreme Form shall annihilate you! Energy…BLAST!

She started shooting green and red energy balls together a few feet above her oversized head. Soon a massive purple ball was formed. She was just about to release the floating sphere when…

Luigi: Why is nothing there?  
Elder Princess Shroob: Huh?  
She looked up. Upon doing so she lost her concentration and the massive energy ball fell on her. It exploded and she suffered incredible amounts of damage.

Luigi: Wow…I can't believe you fell for that!  
Elder Princess Shroob: Silence! Tentacle Strike!  
She started whipping her pointy tentacles at the Bros. Mario hammered one, while Luigi dodged. Baby Mario just held tight to Mario. A tentacle tried snaking around Luigi's neck from behind but Baby Luigi bit it. Immediately the attack stopped.

Elder Princess Shroob: You humans are ferocious fighters…and really cheap…I mean come on…biting! Seriously.

Luigi: Hello?  
Elder Princess Shroob: Oh…yeah. Fight to the death and all. Fine! Give me several minutes to come up with a new attack!

Luigi: Sure.

Stuffwell pops up.

Stuffwell: Hi!

Luigi: What are you…wait…Stuffwell are you like equipped with some kind of weaponry?  
Stuffwell: Of course not! I am a suitcase not a fighter! Although E. Gadd DID equip me with something called…"Self-Destruct"…what does that mean?  
Luigi: Really? Alright…I want you to Self-destruct as soon as you hit the Princess.

Stuffwell: Why?  
Luigi: Because uh…she likes you?  
Stuffwell: Sounds good to me! By the way…what do you mean…HIT the-AGH!  
Luigi tossed Stuffwell at the muttering Elder Princess Shroob.

Elder Princess Shroob: So…maybe a tentacle…no they're expecting that…What?  
She sees the flying suitcase right as it hits her…and explodes! Stuffwell is obliterated and the Elder Princess Shroob is reduced to a purple mushroom like so many have been turned into.

Luigi: Yes! Two birds with one stone!Who would have thought that Stuffwell would have been useful for something?

Mario and Princess Peach were in shock because Luigi successfully defeated the all powerful (Albeit stupid) Elder Princess Shroob…plus he took out Stuffwell, major points for that!  
Princess Peach: Uh…let's go into the Time Hole that is conveniently placed over here.

A Time Hole appears next to the convenient chair.

Luigi: Wow…let's go!  
Unbeknownst to Luigi while he was celebrating about defeating Elder Princess Shroob, Baby Luigi pocketed the mushroom she became. Luigi grabbed him and the four Bros. went back into the Time Hole. They soon arrived in the castle courtyard, where all of the Toads were running around giggling guiltily. Luigi cornered two of them

Toad: He…he…we're so guilty!  
Luigi: What? What happened?  
Toad 2: Well Bowser fell through the castle roof and is lying unconscious in the throne room!  
Luigi: How'd that happen?  
Toad: He must have fallen through the Time Hole!  
Luigi: But that doesn't make any…oh who cares. Why are you giggling?  
Toad 2: Because we drew a mustache on his face!  
Luigi: …Okay…

Princess Peach: Come on! Let's all draw funny things on him!

Mario follows Peach, and after a bit Luigi reluctantly follows as well. They see an unconscious Bowser with a goofy pink (Yes, pink) mustache on his face. After a bit of laughing the four Mario Bros. walk up to Bowser and poke him, proving that they are indeed related. The purple mushroom remnant of Elder Princess Shroob that Baby Luigi took because he thought it might taste good floated out of his pocket…and over to Bowser's mouth. He woke up and like all people when they just wake up after falling several years into the present, ate the object in front of him. Immediately a wave of energy pushed the Bros. back, as Bowser became aglow with power. He became…Shrowser!

Shrowser: Whoa! The unbelievable power! With this…I shall conquer the world…but not before squishing you Mario Bros.!

Luigi: Great. Just when we thought it was over.

Suddenly Shrowser exuded purple smoke. It took form above him as the spirit of Elder Princess Shroob. Shrowser took a look at it.

Shrowser: Huh? What's that?  
Elder Princess Shroob: Kill the Mario Bros.!  
Shrowser: You must have more power! DIE!

Shrowser shot off several super powered fireballs at Elder Princess Shroob.   
Elder Princess Shroob: No! You fool! AAAAHHHH!

She exploded.

Shrowser: Now I will have all the-huh?  
He exploded as well. The battered Bowser flew through the hole and crash landed in his castle, much to the chagrin of the Goombas he landed on.

Luigi: Is it over?  
Professor E. Gadd ran up.

E. Gadd: I believe so…now where is my suitcase?

Luigi: It uh…self destructed?  
E. Gadd: Strange…I never equipped it with a Self-Destruct ability.

Luigi: You didn't?  
E. Gadd: Nope! Let's party!  
Luigi: Huh!

And so Luigi was dragged into yet another one of Peach's mindless celebrations. The Baby Mario's, Youthful Toadsworth and Baby Peach all left in a Time Hole, which promptly and conveniently disappeared as did all the rest. Youthful Toadsworth tried to say goodbye but Toadsworth found a shiny coin on the ground and ignored his younger self. Upon arriving in the past rebuilt Princess Peach's Castle, the Baby Mario Bros. ran into Elvin Gadd, who was there to demonstrate his new machine…the Brain Switcher! It only worked once and then exploded. But considering the people they tested it on were babies no one cared. Who would notice the difference between Baby Mario now acting like Baby Luigi and vice versa? Luigi was prepared to relax after his logic defying adventure but Mario would have none of it. He planned, if Mario DOES plan, on going on another adventure following the celebration…and he was bringing Luigi. Bowser was properly shamed after serving a useless side role in this adventure and then being possessed…sort of…by yet ANOTHER female entity. At least the Shadow Queen didn't get him…now THAT would be embarrassing. And so ends yet another mindless adventure…what will happen next!

The Very End. Seriously.


End file.
